Social anxiety disorder has completely consumed my life. I don’t have any friends left. Most of them have moved on because my avoidant behaviour is very off putting. I don’t blame them for that.
I’m so depressed about my life and what is going on for me. I attend college and am scoring well in my exams, but I can’t even say “hello” to the other students. There really is little benefit in scoring well in theory when you can’t put this into practice in our very social society.
Sometimes I put on a brave face and say that I feel okay and that I don’t care about what people think. I mostly say that to help other people when really I feel hollow and extremely lonely.
Over the past month, I have felt very suicidal. It would really be nice to have someone to talk to. I hate this anxiety and my alcohol abuse. Some days I just can’t even get out of bed and I can’t stand seeing a blue sky.
I want to die, but I don’t want to die. This ambivalence hurts so much. I wish I could feel better, become independent and gain friendships. I’m so afraid that this won’t happen.
6 comments
If you need someome to talk to and you think itd be easier online, you could add me on facebook if you want. I dont have friends and i really need someome to talk to also. My name is Aidan Rosenau if you want to add me. Or i could email you if you want.
I can understand the feeling of finding it impossible to approach other people. I have been in trouble this week at work for keeping to myself, in an environment where I’m expected to walk to random peoples’ desks and start conversations. I just can’t do it.
I think that people who don’t have social anxiety have no idea how impossible it is. “It only takes a minute or two!” “Everyone here is friendly!” “Just chat about something that interests you!” Argh! I want to shout at them: IT ISN’T THAT EASY!!!
Sorry, slight rant aside, I just wanted to say that I get it, and I’m sorry that you’re finding it so hard and that it’s making you so miserable. It’s awful to be in a situation where you’re appearing to do well, but where you feel utterly miserable. It’s even worse when nobody can or will see how you feel =(
I’m no good at advice, but it you want to talk to someone, I can offer an understanding ear?
Thanks guys. I don’t use FaceBook but I got your email’s in the approval emails. So, I don’t exactly know how to start that off. As you probably guessed, I’m not very good at these things.
I’ll pluck up the courage some time in the week to say hello and see how you are doing.
I am not sure how to go about this either… (I’m new here, it’s probably obvious!) Ok, I’ve made a new gmail account – the username is my username here with a 13 after it, at gmail dot com. Feel free to email me there, and I will check it tomorrow!
Oh, I’m an idiot, I completely misread the first line of your post. Wow, I didn’t know this place gave out your email – I better change it, as mine is my everyday one that I’m not sure I want thrown around that casually. But yeah, please feel free to email me at either email, and if you want to set up an anonymous account for yourself, gmail is great for that! I’d really be chuffed if you dropped me a line and said hallo 🙂 Sorry about being an idiot – in my defence I have such a bad headache I can hardly see the screen straight.
i live a life like that…exactly. ambivalence is a *****