So here I am after failing the first time. Let’s go back to the night of the 26th of May, for the full story.
I was feeling awful that night, it was another one of my bouts of guilt and depression. But this one was different, while normally, they happen for no apparent reason and last for a few hours, half a day at most, this one lasted for 3 days, after an incident with a boy from my class. We’ll say he wasn’t well-liked, and he was awkward, sweaty and not the best looking either. He came up and asked to be my partner for a project, and you could tell he expected me to say yes, since I was new and didn’t have the same opinions as the other kids who’d known him for much longer. I flat out refused, and you could practically see him breaking down. He just looked so… upset, hopeless, betrayed even. His face was eating away at me the rest of the day. And the day after. And the day after that. Until one found me on the night of May 26th, with a loaded M1911 .45 pistol in my parents room. Â It was my dad’s, and had he not been at our cottage all weekend with my mother I wouldn’t have had the chance to go near it, but with him gone, I did. I was all set to die, no note or anything, I cleaned the entire house beforehand, and I was ready. I’m about to shoot myself in the back of the head and… it doesn’t fire. So I bring it in front of me, check it over, and try again. No shot. Confused I check it again, and it shoots. The bullet hit my left shoulder, taking off a chunk of flesh and chipping the bone. I look at my slightly numb shoulder and gasp, since I couldn’t really feel it, shock you know? Once the shock wore off though, I fainted. Right before I lost consciousness, I experienced the most physically painful moment in my life. My parents arrived about 20 minutes after I tried to blow my brains out (apparently, I wouldn’t really know), and assumed it was a freak accident that happened while I was trying to clean the gun after cleaning the house. I was rushed to the hospital, got a lovely stay for 18 days, and am now back at home. I can only move my left arm from the elbow below, because of the pain.
Yes, so what we’ve learned, next time make sure the gun works. Don’t move it from the spot you’re shooting. Have a contingency plan.
5 comments
Hi, well… the only thing I’m wondering is why you didn’t follow through, you had such a nice opportunity. Did you change your mind the at last moment? You know, if I were you, I’d have put all of those bullets into me before firing the last one into my head. If I had the gun.
Survival instinct is really good at kicking in, even if it means stuffing up when shooting yourself…
It seems like neither of you got what I was trying to say, I tried to shoot myself, the gun didn’t shoot, and when I went to check it fired and hit me in the shoulder. Then I fainted from the pain. How could I have followed through? I’ve been in the hospital!
@ISmiled – I read your story and got it the first time.
Incidentally, I just read a similar story by Woody Allen. Woody had a rifle pointed at his own head then he was going to put the gun down. Woody was all sweaty so the muzzle slipped off of his forehead and his finger hit the trigger, so the bullet hit a mirror behind Woody and all his neighbors came.
Except that you weren’t trying to put the gun down, and you actually shot yourself. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. God that must’ve taken a lot of courage. Thanks for sharing a part of your story ISmiled and I hope your gunshot wound doesn’t give you too much trouble.
Thanks coitus, the wound is pretty much nothing now, but my doctor keeps telling me how I’m an irresponsible bag of hormones. Ah, the glory of being a teenager.