I tried it before…went to the hospital with a pretty damn high number of milligrams in my system…it was a while ago and i’m glad i lived a little bit more..and i don’t know what i’m doing on this site tonight or how i got here.. so much has happened the whole time already and now there’s more. All these stupid technical sounding words that fit into like…ongoing rape at age six and seven, physical abuse and neglect, chronic depression and anxiety disorder that i would never want to fit into… and i see all these people who are just happy even if they’re stressed they deal and they laugh and they’re mellow and able while everything just seems to cripple me, and now we’ll be going into a homeless shelter in a week it just seems like life never gets better and what if it never does, why is it worth living if these horrible things just keep happening over and over, every time its ever felt okay it snaps back down with some crushing event so of course i have to be cautious if I ever start to feel okay but then i’m insecure and that’s an unattractive trait and I can’t lose him because then i wouldn’t have anything keeping me from falling off the edge so i don’t say anything and then it just eats me up inside half of me wants no one to care so that i could do it without ruining anyone’s life but half of me wants life to just get better already so that i can find that ghost Happiness that everyone talks about…this is completely unorganized and i feel stupid for being here but i can’t stop crying and i don’t want to do it tonight.
2 comments
Well, all I can think to do is recommend a movie for you. Have you ever seen “The Pursuit of Happyness?” (actual spelling)
if you want to chat for long, I ll definitively help you. spain2003[at]yandex.by