If smoking takes a minute off your life every time you smoke does that apply to suicide? So if you try to kill yourself will you really die minutes before you succeed? If only.

Topic of the…minute…hospital stays. Lots of stories about being in the hospital. Mostly met people just like me. Even was recommended to a group that was for people for more than one suicide attempt. Part of a study on the effectiveness of CBT I believe. Ended up being with two people I knew from my hospital stays. One was my neighbour on the ward and another was another person a few rooms down on the same ward. Also the second person was getting ECT at the same time I was. Anyhow most people I met were there because of suicide attempts but I met one guy who was voluntary because he was going through a manic phase. However, there was one person there who seemed to be cognitively impaired. Why they were in a short term hospital ward and not in a long term establishment im not sure. Not like they could cure that type of thing. Then one time I met someone who was taking a tour of hospitals, moving from hospital to hospital for the past few months. Then I also met my first schizophrenic person. Or at least that was what I assumed. She talked to herself a lot. Personally though ive been in the hospital four times I believe. Only once did I admit myself. So I guess it wasnt that many stories or that interesting, but I mean the lesson I took out of it is that hospital stays arent all bad. I mean I can only limit my experience to Canada. Oh and I had about 3 different diagnosis and like 7 different medications in four hospital visits so if you want to try different medications theres no where like a hospital. The thing that is frustrating though is that I am constantly determined to be too high functioning for long term treatment and yet the next week I could have a suicide attempt. I mean I have constant suicidal thoughts, but because im not manic or crying or to unmotivated to get out of bed and go to work/school I cant get the proper care. Luckily though my family has good medical coverage so im going to be going to a private health care facility for two months. Although I was determining that my progress would be made by more exposure to psychologist but I recently went to see a private one and she didnt offer any more advice then you have black and white thinking, trying CBT, and generally trying to change my thinking. I guess thats imperative to being better but can you not live non depressed and be an atheistic existentialist with some augmentation from pessimism.