Anyone feel like they missed an opportunity to finally get out of depression and maybe make some kind of life out of your…life? I think I had that chance but I was too depressed and caught up in suicidal planning. Now I am alive and wishing I had considered the fact that I might live. I regret that I got frustrated and ignored people and pushed them out of my life. Most of all though I think its a way of depression to fuel itself. First, it makes me miss an opportunity, then it makes me obsessively regret that missed opportunity. So I get more depressed and miss more opportunities, repeat to infinity.
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My depression is fueled by how far I’ve fallen, self hatred, how much I lost and can never get back and many other things. I look back and I really don’t see an opportunity I had to recover. Every time I thought about anything dealing with my life it drags me back to square 1. Its like I have the mindset of a person in prison for a long time I keep wondering “what if” and I hate the fact that im here and im so fucking angry with myself but I cant leave until my time is up.
what was the opportunity you missed?
Nothing much, just a relationship that I now wish I had pursued with some damsel.
Yes I know exactly what your talking about. One of my friends found out about my depression and that I was planning to kill myself. For a long time she would be talking to me take sure I was still alive. And always trying to babysit me so I couldn’t cut. She even planned a “surprise” for me to try to make me better. But I pushed her away because at the time i didn’t realize she actually did care. I will always hate myself for that.
Yeah, likewise this girl found out actually on the day, like hours after I tried and texted me asking why. Unfortunately, I had ECT afterwards so it wiped my memories out about the actual conversation.
I just wished I had known she cared at the time.
That’s what I regret most about my mindset I always waited for a sure sign so I didn’t put my self out there. I just let too many possibilities pass by because I wasn’t absolutely sure.