Hey everyone, I’m new to this website and this is the first post I’ve ever made on here. I’m 17, entering my senior year in high school. On the exterior, it might look like I have a good life: I have good grades, a great group of friends, and I’m not in any financial trouble. I smile a lot because it’s expected of me. I don’t remember the last time I’ve smiled for myself. Everything I do feels forced and fake.
When I was four years old, my mother killed herself. She hung herself, and I walked in on her hanging there. This stayed with me over the years. It never left. I’ve always been depressed. I’ve honestly been like this for as long as I can remember, but it keeps getting worst. I’ve got a huge list of problems I’ve been diagnosed with over the past few years. Depression, clinical anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, Aspergers, PTSD, and moderate ocd. The ocd is the most recent, and it seems to be getting worst. My psychologist says that my fears are taking over my life. I agree, they are. I have no motivation anymore. I’ve attempted suicide three times. I cut myself, burn myself, hurt myself because I don’t know how else to make the pain go away.
I also have an overactive brain. Half of my energy is spent trying to distract myself. If I’m out in public and I’m not distracting myself, my brain will overflow with noises. I hear everyone’s individual voices, their footsteps, the sound of the wind, I’ll hear everything and end up having a panic attack.
I’m just so tired of feeling sick all the time. Nothing helps me. I’ve taken medication, I’ve gone through years of psychology, I’ve gone to support groups, nothing helps.
7 comments
Have you tried talking to a friend? One that understands?
I don’t want to be a weird person, but that overactive brain sounds like something else. I suppose you don’t believe in ESP, do you. Now, back to your problem. You and I are almost exactly the same. Why don’t you find someone that can make you live on. A person you love perhaps. Do you love anyone?
‘ESP’ stands for “extra-sensory perception.”
Depending on your interpretation of “extra-sensory,” i don’t think it necessarily means, or comes from, “perception that occurs outside of or beyond capacity for sensation.”
IMO, ‘ESP’ is what H.P. Lovecraft’s possibly most famous quote referenced: “… a spontaneous piecing together of dissociated knowledge…” or, rather, the capacity and tendency for this to occur frequently.
It’s probably more about how the stuff you’ve perceived via all sensory avenues, can “spontaneously” correlate itself, to show you ideas that the ‘typical’ person would not perceive.
People who are hypersensitive and intelligent, often struggle with “over active brains.” Normal people can’t understand how it feels. You have to learn to focus, and to selectively perceive or selectively ignore. You have to learn to choose when, where, and how to direct your thoughts and brain activity.
It’s your brain, Yours, and you can learn to control it, instead of allowing it to do whatever it wants. You might need to spend time and effort to sort through things you feel your brain is doing without your consent. Like anything else, you have to habituate the regularity, patterns and control you desire, through focus and practice.
“With great power, comes great responsibility.”
Hello
I completely understand you and I can say that it was to be expected that after coming across such a shocking sight at the age of four, that would really stun you. While you are still a little child, say up to 10 or so one doesn’t still materialize or become aware of many things Once the person matures it starts to dwell over and always circling the matter becoming obsessive about it. However, this does not mean at all that this is what there is and how it will always be. No.
While you are in the same environment, subject to routine, and are constantly reminded of what upsets you or then things don’t improve and one ends up sinking into depression into an incredible subtle way, without actually realising.
It takes to break away with your daily routine and be exposed to things that are intersting to you, for example, after highschool move one summer to Russia poor villages and become active in community work. That will cut the routine and opens new ways for your mind that are welcome.
I am speaking out of own experience.
Hugs
O
Im sorry that happened
Maybe you and the poster are indigo childten
I have no idea. Honestly, my brain frightens me. It works so quickly. I literally have to avert all of my energy to just distracting myself, or else I get an overwhelming sensation of feelings.