I look around sometimes and see nothing. Literally nothing. No people, no love, no humanity.
But what are they to me? I am in the same society as them, they who are nothing, but I can escape that mentally. They don’t own any part of me, and never will. This is my life, my body, my thoughts, my feelings, my beliefs. “You can play a role in my life but not the lead.” -Lil Wayne
I look around sometimes and get really depressed because of all the nothing, sometimes. It’s all just black, and I get the feeling of escaping it in a very taboo and ‘crazy’ type of way. I fade into thoughts of a horrible and drained future and crawl into a hole that only I know of.
I look around sometimes and I see my little brother’s face. I see his potential and his beautiful blue eyes. He’s so precious to me, and he has a part of my heart and always will. He’s so critical and watchful. He’s going to make an excellent adult. I look around sometimes and see my nieces. They’re so young and so full of good things right now. I hope to god that they never have that flawless and pure innocence taken from them, and that they use it to shed light on dark hearts, like they have mine. I look around sometimes and see what I have in my life right now. I have a loving and nice home. I have clothing, water, food, a bed to sleep in, a shower to keep up my hygiene in, and a huge family. I have a lot to be grateful for, and there’s no way in hell I’m ever going to take that for granted. No matter how bad the situation may get. There’s no way in hell I’m going to take my own life with people around me that I would LOSE my life for. They’re the apple in my eye.
Hold your loved ones close and think of them every time you get down. Believer in a higher power or not, you’ve got a lot to look forward to. Aim for the stars and keep building yourself. Whatever has happened in your past was hard, yeah. But there’s a reason it’s called the past. Take care of yourself and look forward to tomorrow.
All of you have my condolences and best of luck. Keep your head up.
3 comments
I wish I could say I can relate to this, but my family make me worry that I might go all homicidal out of pure frustration. If I held them close, I might get leprosy or hair lice or some other infectious thing like that.
@lorax LOL. Sadly that is how I feel as well. But I can appreciate them from a distance. 😉 I’ve never been one for hugs unless it’s with a romantic partner, or once in a while I’ll spare one for a friend.
@Ignorance I know what you feel about nothingness. Often it is the same for me.
Loved ones and family aren’t the same thing, my friend.