I never really had time to grow up on my own. I didn’t get to spend my days playing outside and getting all dirty. I didn’t play with dolls or play with my easy bake oven.
I stayed inside alone with my thoughts for most of my childhood.
My mother killed herself when I was four; I saw her.
My dad was devastated. He picked up our things and we moved half way around the world. By the next year, he had a live-in girlfriend and was doing fine. I wasn’t. I remember crying at school. I didn’t have any friends because I was just the girl who cried a lot. I’d always have to cover my ears and hum because my thoughts would race all the time.
I’m 17 now. I’ve learned to hide things. I have friends, good grades, nice material things. I don’t smile. I cry, a lot.
I wish I had more time to smile when I was growing up, I really do.
3 comments
Wow. I’m sorry…
If it’s any consolation; smiling is overrated. Or, well, you can look at it like this. You were smiling for years… just upside down.
haha that’s really clever, thank you
I’m sorry you had to go through this…..Personally, I think everybody has a right to choose death as they see fit but not when they have children because their life no longer belongs to just them. Its not fair to the child at all because they didn’t ask to be here and shouldn’t have to be subjected to that. I’m sorry that your childhood was stolen from you…I know your mom did a terrible thing to you by leaving you but her suffering must have been so great that it was the only was she saw that she could escape the pain…..the least she could have done is make sure you didn’t see it…I know that had to be traumatic and devastating for a young child to see that.
I hope you are able to continue on despite what happened. I know you can never relive your childhood (man I wish we could) but at least you have you still have your father…