I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I feel like I’m wasting away. Every day is exactly the same. There is no progress in my life whatsoever. The same thoughts for over 5 years…every single day. I just can’t bear this any longer.
I’m drowning in self-pity and an emptiness I can’t even describe properly. Every day I cross the street in the hope that I get hit by a car. Sadly, they always miss. I wish I could bring up the courage to kill myself, but the fear of failure is so prominent that I can’t do it, yet. Sometimes I feel like I’m already dead. There’s little left of me. Though thinking about it I just ask myself left of what? I never was and probably never will be.
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I am the same way, I have a tremendous fear of failure. With all that’s gone horribly wrong in my life its hard to imagine suicide going right. And of course I worry about my loved ones. I am not the kind of person to run away from responsibilities even when those responsibilities hurt. But when life is unbearable what can one do? But back to the fear of failure, if I fail and am caught I am headed straight to the psych ward. I keep thinking if I try hanging myself in my backyard my parents might walk out at any moment or the neighbors might easily see, even if it’s very late at night so that’s a big concern. Also I’ve seen so many pictures of people with half their heads blown off from gunfire but it still didn’t kill them. That’s enough to give anyone pause. Now tell me why does someone evil like Adolph hitler go and commit suicide so easily but us normal folks can’t manage it?
^ i know a shit ton of methods. im doing it tomorrow for certain. Its charcoal. Carbon monoxide replaces oxygen in your blood and knocks you out. Then causes brain death. No room for survival or half assed attempts. Be in an enclosed space. Burn charcoal in the open until 30 minutes or so, so it gets going. then bring it inside. Place a CO detector in the room. and wait until it gets to 600. Also, i tried plastic bag dude. but it rips when your panicking. You can put oven bag. but overdose on something so your out quickly. Peace