I don’t think I want to die anymore…
But if I could just have the chance to die and come back… Just to see what it was like… Maybe I wouldn’t hurt myself anymore. To kill myself without dying; to just go unconscious and wake up in that hospital bed. To see how many people actually give a fuck. That is what I’m asking for. To see if maybe my own father would be standing there without his girlfriend, without his second family, without the disappointment that I see every time I look at you. Sometimes I hate you; sometimes I feel you hate me, too.
I’m just your disappointment of a daughter. That’s why you left, right? That’s why you got a new family? Because I mean nothing to you. Mom and I both just don’t mean anything to you. Mom is an alcoholic (but she’s doing better) and I’m a suicidal fucking nut-case. Oh but don’t worry, it doesn’t run in your side of the family. So it’s obviously mom’s fault. I fucking hated you when you left me. I tried to get over it, but you didn’t. You never fucking tried.
3 comments
Did you try?
Not to sound harsh but some people just aren’t cut out to be parents, I have 3 older siblings and my mother left us when I was 6 years old. When I was a kid I always thought she was a good person and everyone else just couldn’t see it but as I grew up I realized that she’s just a horrible person. You don’t need him, realize this and you’ll be better off.
I tried to kill myself once already and it took my parents three days to bring me clothes. More than likely because they weren’t speaking to each other and felt it the other’s responsibility to come to my aid. My dad always looked so angry and hateful at me when he took me to my appointments and when my mom had to have him take me to the hospital. They’ve been separated since 2007, but oh well…