I have had a new dream. In this dream I was in the operating room. I was under some anesthesia or something and was very weak but I managed to crawl off the operating table and out of the room. There were two guys outside of the room, I said to them as I crawled “Can’t you see I’m dying?” then I tried to keep going.  However I don’t think I made it much further as I was too tired.
I think it means I am supposed to try hard to escape and not let them operate on me anymore.
Yesterday walking my dog something caught my eye on the street. It was a hat that said OBEY. Just like that all caps. That felt like a personal message. Obey who? Why would I want to obey?
If I can find a way I will try to hang myself outside from a tree. However we have an overabundance of police officers in my town. How to escape their prying eyes is a big question.
1 comment
i think these sorts of thoughts all the time haha. i always notice signs that say simple things i find strange because obviously im in that state of mind… such as “this is your signal” or “dead end” always get me when i’m feeling really depressed. also this past summer i bought rope to hand myself outside, even had the tree picked out, but never got around to it…. also had a weird dream where some girl was asking me about my scars and wanted to admit me to a hospital and i just looked at her and said, “can’t you see you’re killing me?” lol i always thought that was strange since she was trying to help but yeahhhh
in the end i wouldn’t take any of these thoughts literally, to be honest, i’d wait it out. i mean, i don’t have any real reason to give you, but it’s what i’m doing… and i haven’t regretted it (yet)