I’ve so rationalized my departure. Slip on the hood in a hotel turn on the cylinders and I’m gone.
46 years old in London, I have no significant other or children, no job for 2.5 years (living off savings about to run out and benefit ), no car, no home, I’m sofa surfing with family (they don’t know I homeless) and staying at B&B’s (belongings in storage), no friends.
I’ve had tons of counseling, tried many meds and I remain with absolutely no confidence or self esteem whatsoever. My departure will be a favour to society and the planet.
Then the other part of my brain tells me the horrific consequences of suicide, to the few who know me. My nieces and nephews, my parents and brothers.
I dont see any other solution. It’s not a permanent solution to a temporary problem. My problems are permanent and always will be.
Anyways thanks for reading, absolutely no one knows of my situation, just needed to express to others for the first time.
Take care y’all {}
8 comments
did you just loose your job.?or you got another problem?.800,000 american’s just loose thier jobs in a week does that mean they have to die.and believe me you are lucky you got a caring family.i will love to know what are your permanent problems.it is ok. It is on internet so describing your problem clearly doesn’t affect anyone.i am only saying this because you are an adult and you know what you are doing.
Yeah, I wish I could go on that journey myself. I hope you find the best outcome.
Hey Acheron, try to get any kind of loan, and enjoy a beautiful week in the Caribbean before you do, don’t die in England, it’s depressing! I’m just saying because I’ve lived there for almost two years, and because I love the Caribbean of course.
@DieSmart
Don’t dis my home dude 🙂 I lived in the US for 5 years, been to North Korea and everything in between. I do like my homeland, Don’t like the sun, but each to their own 🙂
Anyways, the good thing about being homeless is you get to know drug dealers (scum that they are). I can overdose on heroin and everyone will write it off as a mistake. It’s better than being found with a plastic bag on my head wired up to party time canisters!
I think a nice parting phrase might be something like “…to boldly go…”
Or maybe: “i couldn’t find the ‘reset’ button…”
@joinel
My permanent problem is Social Anxiety Disorder. I just dont fit in. The conveyor belt of life.. Get an education, get married, get a house, have some kids, get a pension, grow old and die. I pretty much bypassed all of that.
@clevername
We should always keep a finger of the escape key of life :/
Acheron I know social anxiety is a *****, I got so bad I would only go out at night and early mornings an if pple tried to talk to me I would immediately have panic attacks and try to rush away. I ddnt want to go to stores alone either. I have even been here for years and too shy to talk much at all untill last couple months. No medicines helped me at all. I am talking more now I noticed the more I did the beter I would get at that after a while. I started driving myself and going to stores alone an that is getting beter to I went in one today and had not 1 bad thought. I also stopped at a yard sale and by myself and had along conversation with a lady about candles and it was actually nice i didn’t have any bad thoughts about what should I say or anything like that, or anxiety. It is a miracle that I have worked my way up to being able to do this.. I am starting to think exposure helps after a period of time at least for me maybe u could try that to. And you still have time to do things like have a family if that’s what you want. Im not saying don’t do what you want (suicide)cuz I know when things are bad and depression is severe its torture was just wanting to share with u what I have been doing lately that seems to be helping my social anxiety cuz nothing else ever has in case u would want to try that to. good luck with whatever u do