godamn these past few days i’ve been feeling SOOO fucking depressed.. it’s weird and it’s really bad..
even in this past year.. when I was moping or whatever.. it was ok, I was still getting with girls.. or there was always something that was contradicting my feelings.. but this is some real shit.. this is how i felt when I was 16.. quiet, depressed and low on confidence..
I kept on thinking about suicide and I actually was considering it.. though I don’t think I would ever have the balls to.. but I feel like 27 is the threshold age for people who deal with this kinda stuff.. you know the 27 club.. theres a son of a pastor who dealt with this, and he pretty much did himself in at this age..
I’m seeing my therapist tomorrow.. there’s just so many things.. my frighteningly lack of future.. just broke up with someone i was really in love with.. and the break up was not your run of the mill ones.. the same godamn fucking thing happened with this girl that happened with all my previous gf’s.. told em I had depressive problems.. threw a fit and went all crazy in front of them.. and pretty much scared them off..
godammit.. it’s fucked up telling urself u wanna die because that’s pretty much the opposite of all successful people’s mental attitude no? pride.. and confidence.. no wonder we don’t have any if we hate ourselves this much.. then what? what’re we doing on this planet if we don’t make something of ourselves
I’m rambling but I needed to vent..
2 comments
The guy you mentioned was a former member of this site – maybe you knew that?
You know, there’s no such thing as the future. The future is only a concept. Time is flowing, but what exists is the present. If you were to look back on your life a year from now, which would be the ‘future,’ it would still only be the present for you. There’s no skipping ahead, there’s no going back, because time passes moment by moment. Sometimes we wish we could sleepwalk through life, and it is possible to stop caring and thus be mentally sleepwalking, but if you do this, your situation probably won’t change much. If at some point in your life you want to look back at your past memories and say, you know, I had a decent go of it, then you’ll have to start RIGHT NOW and make whatever changes you see fit. You can’t sit in your sofa in front of the TV and bemoan the fact that nothing will ever happen to you – how can you know this? You can’t. Life is unpredictable. You have to get yourself out there, do things that will have a ripple effect (hopefully in a positive respect), and your PRESENT will go places you never imagined. Trust me, I could never have predicted everything that happened to me in a span of a decade.
So, instead of hopelessly dreaming about some glittery, fictional concept of a ‘future,’ work on your present, which is the only reality there is.
Maybe you could try finding a girl who’s also a deppressive. Such a woman would be more understanding of how you feel. If you have a tendency to ‘throw fits’ for minor reasons, perhaps you might want to consider anger management therapy. It’s no use taking out one’s psychological issues upon people who don’t deserve it.
Good luck, man.
I suffer from major depression too so please send me an email. I would like to get to know u. marianna_vizakos@hotmail.com