I’m on the right track – a 4.0 GPA student, I’ve saved over $10,000 working since I was 16 (I’m 18 now and recently quit), I have a good family, I love my cat Tiki, I have a dependable car and safe roof over my head. My boyfriend is amazing and his family is wonderful to me, as well. I could literally go anywhere I wanted in life, take any path I wished to take. I’m pretty, I know I’m a great writer and artist. People tell me I’m funny and overall good to be around. I don’t drink, I don’t smoke cigarettes, I’m fairly healthy.
But none of that really matters to me, as much as I want it to. I can’t make it matter to me. I want help but I don’t know where to find it. I talk to those I trust about the way I’m feeling, and as much as they try, they don’t help. Or, maybe they help but I don’t feel it. Every day I wake up and cry because more than anything else I want to die. It’s becoming all that I can think about – how death would take away so much pain, emotional and physical.
I don’t know why I’m writing this, and now I feel like a cry-baby. Why should any of you even care how I feel? I’m just an anonymous bunch of sentences on the World Wide Web. And nothing really matters, in the larger scheme of things. If you’re religious, you’ll disagree. But, I disagree with religion, so I guess we’d cancel each other out.
I’m a nervous wreck most of the time, and I don’t know what I’m nervous about. I don’t feel real anymore. I feel like a paper doll in a 3D world. I know I need help, and part of me is glad that I felt okay enough to post this. I hope that somehow, it will lead to something good.
14 comments
What’s wrong and is bothering you?
Do you think you have depression? Have you gone to see a doc if you wanna get better therapy or meds can help? Its hard to talk to people around you cause they just dont get it which makes you feel very alone and isolated which just leaves you and your suicidal thoughts trust me i know that feeling. And your not a cry baby everyone has a whinge here thats what its for and its good to get it out and we’re pretty much all in the same boat here so its people you can relate too
Hi deep abyss howz it goin buddy? Your kinda like me you just wanna help people on here but yet we cant seem to help ourselves do you kinda feel like that?
Hey crying on the inside. Yeah, I feel exactly like that. Honestly, I’m in so much pain and wanna die this instant, but I just wanna help people who are feeling the same as me. Cause if like I can’t help myself, at least I can help people before I kill myself or something. It’s hard to explain, I guess. But you get what I mean?
Omg yes im exactly the same i so get what you mean!
Yeah.. wish I can help you too. And then maybe find a way to help myself, which I doubt is even possible anymore. I’m still searching for ways to die painlessly on my free time, but I’m hoping I can find it soon.
Yeah same i’ve been chatting to the guy with the ********
Is it legit though? Cause I’ve heard of some cases with cops pretending to sell so they can catch you. They don’t know that you want to kill yourself and will assume you will use it for someone else or something.
You can msg me on skype softsoul9 – Many people are feeling unexplained panic and anxiety lately and a complete change in their being. Our outer worlds may seem okay but our inner worlds are very strange. Try not to take it personal and be grateful for what you have.
Deep abyss yeah thats what im afraid of
@softsoul: Yeah, you can look fine on the outside even though you’re not well on the inside. It doesn’t always show.
@crying on the inside: Just be sure that the guy you’re talking to about it isn’t trying to scam you into buying something that doesn’t work and messes it up instead.
I can understand and relate to mostly what u said,
it’s depressing isn’t it?..
I think it was Nietsczhe who said that when u’re ‘above’ most average people (whether it’s in intelligence, creativity, imaginations, or emotions/sensitivity, etc), you’ll definitely be very lonely and alone,.simply because majority of people are “normal” people, they’re not necessarily bad or evil, bit it’s just their way of thinking & feeling is not in-tuned as you..
I just actually replied to a recent new topic here, about why “normal” people seems to be happy, and my answer is because they’re either:
1. They’re too ignorant “ignorance is bliss”
2. They’re too stupid to care and understand what’s really going on (usually closely related with #1)
3. They’re belong to the same kind of ‘bad, evil’ people or even part of ‘the System’ followers who seems to thrive on it, unlike us who hate & despise the evil corrupt System.
4. They lack imaginations and creativity as well (eg: compare to the case of artistic, Highly Sensitive, bipolar, manic kind of individuals who are *usually* of high creativity and imaginations to see through this dull world and all what’s Wrong with it).
I hate this real world, and majority of humans..
I know it’s not good, but I often can’t help it.
god help me go through all of this insanity…
@niki: I agree with what you mean. Most people do live like that. They mostly try to fit in with everyone and then they become exactly like one another and lose their own morals and values. I guess that would fit to the #3 you were talking about. Ignorant is truly bliss. Knowledge is power, but with that power can often come loneliness.
Why you want to give all that away? Why would throw everything that you have away? Have you tried talking about this with your boyfriend? Please do not give up you have so much to offer!