Hey guys. I’m a 20 year old guy, and I’ve been suffering from generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder for years, and possibly some kind of bipolar disorder. As a result of my social anxiety, it has been almost impossible for me to make connections with people. I have one close friend, and have never had a girlfriend. Girls think I’m cute, but then I start talking to them and they lose interest because I’m awkward. I wish I had a girlfriend.
Anyway, on top of everything, I’m going bald. I used to have awesome, long hair. Apparently my hairline receded in the past couple of years and I didn’t notice until recently. I wonder if my constant stress (the anxiety) made it happen sooner. I wouldn’t be surprised. How much earlier could the stress have made it happen, I wonder? 3 years? 4 years? Maybe my hairline would just start to recede now instead of at 17, and I would have noticed it because I was older and could have saved it with Propecia and all.
Anyway, it hardly even matters, because I can’t seem to stop my anxiety. I’ve tried medications, therapy, etc., but nothing works. I had this cray idea to start writing a novel, because I figured if I wrote a successful novel I would make tons of money and use that to work on all of my issues, plus I would be able to get any girl I wanted. I wanted to have a finished manuscript by December 25, and the thinking was that if I couldn’t get it published I would kill myself sometime in January, probably by jumping off of a bridge into the water (because there is no gun in my house, unfortunately. If there were a gun I would use that, since it’s the simplest method). A couple of weeks ago I tried to overdose on Tylenol, but that didn’t work. I didn’t really have too many symptoms either, besides some gas.
Anyway, I feel like I’ve had enough of life and am almost ready to go. I don’t know what I’m waiting for. I guess I have this idea of having a good few final weeks, and I want to create a brilliant novel. But…getting a novel published and becoming rich and famous is probably somewhat unrealistic…
I was also considering drinking windshield washer fluid. If only there were a gun in my house, this would be a lot simpler. My parents purposely don’t have one, since they know I’m at risk.
2 comments
I’ve never had a job either, and don’t feel like I would be able to handle one. I mean I could get through it, but I feel like I would be fired quickly because I’m not good with people.
In the same position. The inability to make connections with others is killing me.
The thing about writing is that you can’t really count on making money or getting successful. You kinda have to do it because you love doing it, since it’s such a laborious process. But it can provide an ample distraction.