I’m feeling much less depressed these days. To be honest, I don’t feel much of anything. I’m on 200mg of sertraline.
I find that, although I make friends very easily, I form normal relationships, and people appear to enjoy spending time with me, beneath my friendly outer self, I loathe almost everybody I come into contact with. And I find that part of me even wants to watch people suffer. I feel as though while my motivation has increased of the past few months, I have also become more manipulative and unconcerned with the feelings of other people (though, to be honest, I’m not entirely sure I ever empathized to begin with). What does this mean? Is this part of the depression? Or is this indicative of some deeper emotional scarring or trust issues or something?
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It means that you are more sensitive to what is going on internally than most and more honest.
However, it also means that you believe that you can see pain in others and that this is not your affair. You are mistaken in this belief. The figures in the dream of seeming life merely represent your own wishes that are too horrible to acknowledge. Therefore, they are projected upon others.
They are your concern, because we are not separate, as in bodies, but one on an spiritual level. As you forgive yourself of all believe in sin and suffering, the appearances will change dramatically. Not that they will not be there to see, but your relationship to them will change. Then there mission will be to heal. Until then, your investment in “scarring or trust issues” are yours to deal with. In the end, they are nothing, because you will no longer be invested in them.
G.W.
Except I do not believe in sin, and I have no memory of ever having felt guilt since childhood.
Some people say that depression is anger turned inward, so perhaps, since you are less depressed, you feel angry at the world around you. Then again, what the hell would I know?
My guess would be it’s the medication.
It’s quite a common experience that people feel their emotions get blunted, and they feel less empathy.
I have the same experience myself.
Psychiatric medication is unscientific, and harmful. It will make you more sick than you were without it. Read this for more info:
http://robertwhitaker.org/robertwhitaker.org/Anatomy%20of%20an%20Epidemic.html
Good luck and lots of love
That website is really interesting. It wouldn’t surprise me to know that medication increases relapse rates. That said, I was suicidal off the medication, it’s hard for any treatment to be more harmful than suicidal behaviour.
“…it’s hard for any treatment to be more harmful than suicidal behaviour.”
What’s worse?:
1. torture
2. euthanasia
Is euthanasia more harmful than torture?
I suppose it depends on who you ask, and the bases and premises of their mindset.
IMO, torture is more harmful than euthanasia (or any other relatively swift death, for that matter).