Statistics show that suicide rates are low during December through the holidays. Â I guess that makes us not so selfish…that we hold on so that our death doesn’t taint holidays in the future for those we leave behind. Â At least in my case, getting through these last few weeks is just getting harder and harder. Â I’m so ready to go, but am doing my “best” to linger until Christmas has passed. Â Unless they’ve felt like this, they probably will never understand how hard it has been to delay the inevitable…waking up everyday just wanting my life to end and praying for the strength to just get through Christmas with a [fake] smile on my face and to be able to hide back the tears for just a little while longer.
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4 comments
I’ve been holding on til after Christmas. It’s been hard. I was ready to go months ago, but delayed first because it was close to my nephews birthday, then because it was my brothers birthday, then it was Thanksgiving, now Christmas. Once the ‘yule tide’ is behind is, the coast is clear. January ’14 will be it.
It’s probably the biggest myth out there that suicides are supposedly selfish. Half the time I read about other people’s cases, there’s even that sense people have that it would be *better* for other people close to them if they were gone. (In my case it will be “bad” in the short term, but forces necessary change.) I can’t say whether all/most of them truly believe it but it’s definitely a common way of thinking about it. Either way, our lives are our own.
Well, actually I do think suicide is a selfish act. If I kill myself I am putting my own interests before those of my parents. The point is, however, that they are just as selfish as myself when they expect me to live just for their sake.
Regarding the central topic of this post, I’ve also tried to avoid committing suicide in December. First I tried to kill myself in October but, of course, I failed. Now I guess January is the month.
Yup, seems to be a pretty normal thing to do (as normal as it gets if you are talking about suicide). It is that thing about not wanting to destroy the holidays for your family or the ones who might care… in the end i doubt it makes much of a difference, but well… if you can minimize the shock somehow, i think it is worth enduring a couple more weeks.