Dream State

I can’t fight the urge to end this life.  This is a dream that I can’t wake up from.  But you always wake up when you die, right?  When I look back at my life I don’t see anything.  My memories fade as quickly as they’re created.  The pain inside me erases everything.  Like passing a magnet over a hard drive, it sweeps across me and leaves a blank empty shell.  Pain has become the only feeling I experience.  It defines me.  It preys on me.  I see so much beauty in the world.  I understand it, but I can’t feel it.  Colors dulled.  Life in black and white.  Dreams in shadow.  I wait for the day, when it all makes sense.  But that day will never come.  Hope, love, happiness.  Words with meaning to me, but no feelings to associate with.  Just an idea of what they’re supposed to be like.  This is what I am.  This is what I’ll always be.  Until I wake up.