hi (-:
i’m new here. but not new to suicide etc. actually, we’re pretty well acquainted.
little background info (because you won’t know me, and i won’t know you, and this anonymity is giving me chills): i’m an 18 year old, manic depressive female with a few attempts under her belt, and a few trips to the crazy house.
here’s the thing; i’m a happy person. i am cheery as hell. just reading this, i bet you’re thinking, ‘what an irritatingly chipper sonuvabitch’. but that’s what’s extra sad, because i’m not really happy, am i? no sir. i’m just a big grinning mask.
i would say approximately 85% of my thoughts revolve around suicide or harm. but i’m feeling good today, which is nice.
in any event, i’m here now. and i’m a chatty little creep, so if you’re sitting at your computer right now, feeling as shit as i do, talk to me. just do it.
17 comments
Im feeling shitty, and its fun too be crazy.
I have a theory about people who say they’re “fake happy” on the outside, but sad inside.
I think they are truly depressed, but I think they are also nice people. The reason they “pretend” to be happy is because they truly like other people and want to make other people feel good when they talk to them.
There’s nothing fake about that. It is truly kind to want others to feel good, even if it is an effort due to the inner depression.
Just a thought.
@Otherside
Yeah, im pretty sure I fit in that category.
otherside, you are just lovely lovely lovely.
i think you may have a point here, too. of the people i know who have or have had depression, the ones who suffer most are normally the ones people wouldn’t have known were sad in the first place.
there’s a lot to be said for the empty smile.
Put on empty smiles
Live life as it is on the outside
But on the inside..
Go crazy
Lose yourself
Try to acess your mid inside and out
Be your true self
Dont give a flying shit
make yourself content
make sure none of this even comes close to the outside…
The empty smile follow most of us , its just easy remembering that most comics and funny people have had and incredibly depressing life , the one and only way to cope with that I think is to smile and go on to the next moment.
Its better to laugh then cry , at least when in company of someone…
I actually would like to get to know you clyde , maybe even you to know me , everyone who has or had depression , I think I can deeply relate to , but oh well , I could be wrong.
New here too , just signed in today , so keep talking , im here for ya 😀
yeah im feeling the same as all you.
been inside my mind – losing it.
wish there was an easy way out
Why are you sad and want suicide?
DysteR8: I like that. ‘It’s better to laugh than cry.’
It’s easier too – and that’s the beauty of it, don’t you think? A smile, a laugh. She’s fine, she’s sane. Easy peasy.
I’d simply love to get to know you. It’s nice to know people. Especially ones without faces, because then you aren’t thinking about their face, you’re thinking about their thoughts and such. And thoughts are much more interesting, I think. (oh, and high-five for the new kids!)
cant take it: I find the longer I spend in my head, the stranger it gets. Like when you look at a word for too long, and it stops making sense.
But you know, sanity is all relative.
A rather enlightening quote and a favorite of mine:
A man who is “of sound mind” is one who keeps the inner madman under lock and key. ~Paul Valéry
Miss Clyde , thats the beauty of the internet , full of us faceless people , easy to create bonds through the web , for you get to know the real person , the one can only truly manifest itself through words. (High Five )
And yes , its easier to smile , also do ponder about suicide , hard and useless things would be crying and dieing , but again everything is relative , not only your sanity but also mine.
Its just this sadness de energizer drink that keeps us always messed up in the noodles. Makes things to the highest of degrees , not relevant anymore .
It’s one of those backwards things about life. I know so many people who are generally assholes, and I don’t think any of them ever feel suicidal. The thought is completely foreign to them. They are content with their lives and don’t mind stepping all over people to get what they want.
It’s just the opposite for us. Sometimes life crushes us and our situations get worse until we feel we have only one option. We spend the majority of our time thinking about it until we either get past it or wind up doing it.
Knowing assholes is maybe the requirement for living in this planet today , maybe we are the complete altruists , maybe not , maybe just the ultimate kind of selfish cretins.
Its somewhat somehow what brings me down , “They are content with their lives and don’t mind stepping all over people to get what they want.” the complete and total raping of humanity as we recognize it to be , being a fake bulk of puke with a smile on top . People , specially the big asses , will continue to amaze us with their stupidity , apathy and capacity for cruelty towards others.
And unfortunately theres no lemon juice for all their eyes , just for a few…
So , only thing I can think of is :we need more lemons…
DysteR8: It’s a little like talking to someone in the dark. But that’s ok, because I’m not afraid of the dark, and people are more honest when you can’t see them, I find.
Messed up noodles. That’s positively wonderful!
otherside: ‘Nice guys finish last’, that’s the lyric isn’t it? I don’t know exactly, but I do know that you have encapsulated the saddest bit of sad people. more often than not, they are nice people. good people. but then they frown on the inside, and because they wear their pretty, happy exterior (to be nice) no one sees, until they’re lost. it’s the most heartbreaking phenomena.
I am just a little bit afraid of the dark.
People are more honest when they are depress too…
At least I am…
I would like to hear about yours trips to the crazy house , if you dont mind sharing with us.
You sound like a very lively, energetic sort of person. I feel like I can almost hear you off the page! 🙂 It’s enjoyable to read what you write for some reason…
Yes, I feel miserable quite often — can’t hide it, I’m afraid. I tried the empty smile thing, but I just can’t hold it in. I don’t like making others feel miserable, I try to hide when I’m sad. And those times I let it go I sometimes end up overwhelming my friends and family with my troubles.
The same goes when I’m happy. Sometimes I overwhelm people with my happiness and they get annoyed and think I’m weird. But screw them. If it weren’t for the rare times I let myself go to be carefree, I’m not sure life would be worth living.