You ruined my life.
I hope it was worth it, hanging yourself. Just know that the day you killed yourself, your problems didn’t go away. They were just handed over to me. Your other kids are fine, don’t worry. Even the one you put up for adoption; she ended up with a great family. You would’ve like her, she looks exactly like you. In fact, she looks so much like you that I can’t look at her.
If it makes you feel any better, I’m the only one that you ruined.
Your suicide note was fantastic by the way. “Tell her I’m sorry” written over and over is really great, really comforting. Thanks for taking the time to do that.
IÂ also really appreciate the time you called social services and told them you were going to kill yourself and me.
Thanks for making my dad hate me, blame me.
14 comments
Don’t be fucking rude.
He wanted to die, you should have said how you loved him or whatever. Fuck you.
wtf are you even talking about?
Learn to read properly, maybe then people will take you seriously.
Until then, kindly remove yourself from my post, troll.
God you’re annoying ywnkm…sunny girl ignore this imbecile
You should blame your dad for blaming you (if he honestly does), not your deceased mother. It’s not her fault he blames you (if he really does). It’s his own fault for his own method of judgment and interpretation leading to an incorrect conclusion.
That said… i have to doubt that your dad actually blames You, for your mother’s choice to exit. And if he really does blame You for that, then he’s got some issues with understanding cause and effect, or even personal responsibility.
I honestly don’t think you’re seeing things clearly. I think you’re having problems determining the real causes of the negative effects you experience in your environment. I think your issue is more accurately described as feeling left-out, since most other kids have living parents. You see problems in your life, that aren’t in those other kids’ lives, and you see the most obvious difference as being “to blame.” You wish you could be like them, and have both parents… and so you blame your mother for all that’s wrong, even though that’s not right, because she’s not there to cause anything. She’s not there to make any decisions about what happens in this world, or in your life. You’re here, and your siblings are here, and your dad is here. All of you should be making decisions to make your own lives better… but it seems like everyone has latched onto blaming your absent mother for everything, which really isn’t the case. She is responsible for her own choices, and partly for today’s lingering effects… but those still living, are still making choices, and those choices should be focused on improvements, not wasted on blaming the absentee.
It’s very interesting that you think you know so much about me.
I’m really tired of people on this website telling me what I think.
I’m young, I’m not stupid. I had to grow up really quickly; I didn’t have much of a childhood.
He does blame me. Did you know that he was very, very close to giving me up for adoption when she killed herself? In fact, his parents both agreed that giving me away would be the better option. He blames me for being mentally ill, like her. He has said to me that he blames me for putting him through all of this.
I wish to have both parents? No, I wish to not have to keep the lights on at night. I wish that I could sleep for more than two hours without having a nightmare. I wish that I didn’t have to count, clean, and check obsessively throughout the day. I wish that I didn’t have anxiety every time I leave the house. I wish that I wasn’t stuck in a pit of bipolar cycles. I wish that I had control over my thoughts, and that I didn’t have 10 voices in my head all yelling at me at once.
Did you know that she wasn’t go to have another child when she married my father? She didn’t want a child. Did you know that she got herself in a car accident when she was pregnant with me because she wanted to have a miscarriage? Did you know that I have memories of being left alone in the house when I was 3, because thought that if she stayed with me, she’d kill me?
Did you know that my father has said to me, “The reason I ignore your problems is because I’m hoping they’ll go away”? Did you know that I’ve been taking different medication for the last 3 years, and nothing has worked?
Did you know that I want to die every day, but I’m too scared to kill myself, because I don’t want to end up like my mother?
You don’t know me. Don’t tell me what I think, or what I wish for.
Oh and you’re now going to tell me how my siblings and my father feels?
My father is a happy man. He’s remarried and has children. He has moved on.
My brother is a happy man. He has a separate family that loves him very much.
My sister is happy, too. I only met her three years ago, because my mother gave her away. She has a perfect family.
Nobody else is “blaming an absent mother”.
I was the one hated, unwanted.
She killed herself in front of me. What excuse is there for that?
Before i actually read your full response, i just want to correct your errant presumption:
Just because i observed your shares, attempted to interpret them, and then made some guesses… that doesn’t mean that i “think i know.” How could i possibly “think i know you.” I’ve never met you.
All i “know,” is that you seem to blame your mother for EVERYTHING, which cannot be correct.
And, i don’t think socio/psychopathy is a learned disorder; if you “lack the capability of empathy,” then you were indeed born that way.
If you learned it, you can unlearn it. But i don’t think anyone ever “learns” to be incapable of empathy.
Look up post traumatic stress disorder. I did not say I am sociopathic. I said that I have problems with empathy and certain emotions.
“problems with relationship boundaries, lack of trust, social isolation, difficulty perceiving and responding to other’s emotional states, and lack of empathy”
Go on some ptsd forums and read other posts about lack of empathy.
You’re talking for me. By saying “You wish” and “You feel”, you are making assumptions and guesses about how I feel.
I apologize if I came off as rude, I just haven’t had much patience at all recently.
When mentally ill people breed, there is always an increased risk of the same or similar defects manifesting in their offspring. If you are born with a brain that is defective in a way that causes you to be mentally ill (i think we can say that lacking empathy counts as “mental illness,” even though it is primarily a physiological thing, and not a psychological thing)… that is not your fault. To blame someone for the way they are born, is just wrong. None of us have control over the conditions of our own birth; yet, we do have the power to control whether we reproduce, or whether we engage in acts which could result in producing more flawed offspring. You could blame both your parents for that… but for either of them to blame YOU, for THEIR choice to reproduce, is completely absurd. If your mother was indeed mentally ill, due to a congenital defect, then that is not her fault, and it’s quite possible that such a defect, and the resulting illness, could influence or impair her judgment, interfering with her ability to make better decisions. If a crazy person decides to have a child, who ends up being crazy too… whose fault is that? It’s certainly not the fault of the child! So while you could “blame your mother,” maybe she was incapable of making a better decision? If she was mentally defective, then is her decision really “her fault?” Maybe you could blame HER parents… or even your dad, for participating in the decisions made by a “crazy” person. Or maybe he’s mental too. Maybe he doesn’t understand that the conditions of a child’s birth, cannot be blamed on the child. Maybe he doesn’t realize that whatever is “wrong” with you, is at least half his own fault, for choosing to produce an offspring, with someone who had a high risk of passing on her defect.
I was going to say that it’s silly to think he blames you… but you say that he has actually directly stated this, which tells me he is likely mentally ill, in some way, as well. But the consideration of giving you up for adoption, even the agreement from his parents, would not necessarily mean that he hates or blames you; those things are not mutually inclusive, by default. That part could have been simply due to the nature of the circumstances themselves, rather than any ill-will or blaming of you.
On another note: i can totally relate to the feeling of being tormented by having been disallowed closure. I feel sympathy for you, in this regard. It’s not easy or comfortable, and “most people” probably don’t understand how that feels.
I can’t “excuse” your mother for carrying out her exit in front of you; that should not have happened. I don’t know whether that was her intention, and i wonder whether you have assumed it was, erroneously… or whether it was stated as her intention. I have to suspect that it was likely not her intention, but that she was in crisis, and not thinking clearly. I could be wrong… but if i am, then that was the decision of a mentally ill person in crisis, not a sane and considerate mother. Still, i wouldn’t think that should be absolutely correlated to her “blaming you,” or using your birth/existence as her reason for ending her life. But if she was indeed mentally ill, from a physical brain defect, then it’s quite possible that she simply could not bear the thought of raising a child, and was likely overwhelmed with guilt, remorse and regret, for allowing herself to participate in the events which lead to your birth. I don’t think it would be “your fault” in anyone’s eyes. I think if anything, she blamed herself for your existence, and probably hated herself even more for feeling so unable to bear the idea of raising you. Maybe it was that she couldn’t bear the idea of being with your dad… or that she couldn’t stand the idea of being stuck connected to him, through you, for the rest of your lives.
I guess what i’m getting at, is that many things were likely omitted from the information you’ve been allowed to receive. Have you ever heard the phrase: “there’s more than one side to every story?” You’ve never heard your mother’s side. You’ve only heard the side of those who either blame her, or are disgusted or angered by her actions. I can’t help but suspect they have likely painted a less-accurate image of her, in their telling of the past… especially since you say your dad actually said that he blames you for being who and/or what you are, even though that was never something in your control, and for which he is, by default, more responsible for, than you could ever legitimately be. Maybe he should have known better than to make babies with a crazy woman? Maybe, like her, his own mental issues influenced him to make risky decisions, which had a high risk of results he was not truly prepared to handle.
Oh, and, that whole “i was hoping that if i ignored it, it would go away…” is clearly indicative of a mental illness, or a reduced willingness to deal with problems. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. It just lets it follow its natural course. If you apply that strategy to something that will not naturally correct itself, then it will only shake itself loose, and become worse, until some event occurs… such as the event which is the primary topic of this website. Which is the same type of event “just ignore it until it goes away” lead to producing for your mother.
I guess my original point was this: maybe you’re blaming the wrong person. But sometimes, there is no clear-cut definition of who is responsible for what, and in what amounts. I think you’ve just been issued a much higher degree of unfortunate circumstances than most people are… and there really aren’t very many people in the world properly qualified to help you deal with this type of thing. But i bet there are some, and i hope you find them, so that you don’t have to be excessively miserable, due to the actions of other people. I also think that if you could manage to stabilize yourself enough to get away from all that bad “juju,” you might still end up with a reasonably fulfilling life that isn’t plagued by outrage and nightmares.
I appreciate your response.
However, I’ll clear up a few things.
My dad is in no way mentally ill. He’s a bit of an asshole, but I don’t really blame him for that. My mother did not tell him that she was bipolar when they met. He didn’t find out until a while after. She threw away her medication. Social services were going to take me away unless my father stayed home from work to watch over me to make sure my mother didn’t harm me.
My father is ignorant, but not a monster that led my mother to suicide. She was truly crazy.
He couldn’t fix her, and she killed herself.
I believe that he blames me for making him upset because I remind him of her; I’m the one thing in his life reminding him of her (my siblings have different fathers than me).
I hate him sometimes, but I don’t blame him.
He tried, and I can’t hold that against him.
Its not about blaming. What happened in the past cannot be changed. I feel sorry for what you are going through, but blaming people is not going to help you but instead increase your depression. Not that you are wrong anyways, but thinking about it doesn’t help you. Who is responsible to what extend is unnecessary information that does not make you happier in the present.
I am not a psychologist so I cannot tell you what someone should do in your situation. But I know for a fact that blaming isn’t going to help you (believe me, I did the same and it only got worse that way). I can only hope that you are going to get through this part of your life. What you can do is to learn from their mistakes: If you will ever have children yourself you will definitely not make the same mistakes she made.
contrary to popular belief, assumptions and guesses are not necessarily bad things. When i use them, i don’t use them as if they are absolute. They are required when not all information is available, as a tentative gap-filler, in order to attempt to create a solution.
Sometimes you have to make assumptive assertions, in order to better understand, or prompt the revelation of, missing information, which cannot otherwise be accessed. Basically, take what you know, fill the rest with best-guess “placeholders,” and see how the picture looks. It won’t be “right” the first time, but it can help to piece together the rest… or to identify which are the most important missing pieces.
Sometimes, in the absence of a clear method or formula, you gotta throw out a bunch of guesses, and see if anything sticks, and if anything that sticks, gives any clues toward a possible formula or useful method.
My point is not about assuming or guessing whether or why anyone is responsible for Sunnygirl’s situation, but about the fact that finding scapegoats – whether it is their fault or not – will not result in a better situation. At least that is what my experience tells me.
I feel sorry for what has happened, but you will have to live with it. Not that it will be easy or that you will be done with it quickly. Sorrow within bounds is a good thing – otherwise we wouldn’t be human. But we cant let it overwhelm us.
I’m sorry about what happened, Sunnygirl1. I hope that, in time, things will get easier for you.