life… what is it really?

Honestly I don’t know anymore, I don’t really understand what life is, I don’t understand why there is life if all life really is, is heartache, pain, sadness, never end hurt and desperation for a nice happy life. Why is there life, why are we here if we can’t be happy. Ya, some people might be able to deal with all of the nonsense and make their life good, but what about the people that can’t, that don’t know how, huh, what happens to them, can’t they be happy too. Just because life has to be so stupid as suck, means everyone has to suffer. Sometimes I just wonder if everything would finally go away, all the pain, and hurt and sadness, if all of it would finally go away if I ended my life, honestly, I don’t know, and I’ve been seeking answers for who knows how long. I’ve Bern wondering for a while now if life is worth living, if I’m able to deal with life, I just don’t know anymore. I just wish I could disappear, just vanish into thin air with nobody knowing where I went, without having to blame themselves, without everything that comes with a person ending their life. Why can’t I have the courage to end my life, do I seriously have to go through this horrible thing for almost ever. Besides, nobody really knows what lays beyond death, if it’s truly any better than living or maybe worse.