Lend Someone a Hand

I just figured I would share a tiny piece of advice here, for anyone who might happen to benefit from it. It is probably completely insignificant, but it has helped me somewhat, and maybe can do the same for someone else who is suffering through life…

Basically, the ONE thing that I think gives my life purpose, the ONLY thing that keeps me going, and gives me a reason to get out of bed every morning, is offering a helping hand to people who may need it. I have been fortunate enough to meet a few people locally who are suffering just as I am, but who I believe are capable of getting better. They are wonderful people(for the most part), but for some reason they are stuck in a really shitty situation and are having huge problems coping with life.

I have extended an invitation to all of them to meet with me, talk with me, call me at any time(even the middle of the night), or to email me, whenever they feel desperate or need someone to talk to who actually understands. Several people have taken me up on that offer, and I believe I have made a positive impact on their life. And that is the ONE thing that brings me any sense of enjoyment or accomplishment; knowing I did something good, something productive, something impactful.

I hate everything about myself, I have tried to get better, I put up a fight for so long, but I have always failed at improving myself. I have accepted that I will never be happy, normal, healthy, etc. But if I can do one good thing for one person every now and then, I can at least find one reason to keep on living, and for now, that’s all I need. I don’t enjoy living, and I don’t want to continue living, but I haven’t found a reason to end life just yet.. Seriously, I sound like a complete loser(which I acknowledge I am), but if my pain can be eased every once and a while but helping someone else relieve their pain, I can survive just long enough to help someone else, and so on. It is a cycle for me, but as long as I get that one sense of accomplishment every once and a while, I will continue on this cycle until I can’t any longer. I KNOW this is the one reason I have not ended my life so far. I have come so close, so many times, but I still have this one thing I hold on to. And maybe.. MAYBE, if I hold on just a bit longer, and continue hanging by a thread, MAYBE something good will happen.

Sorry this was so long and probably pointless, but if any one gets anything useful out of this, I will have succeeded. And you don’t have to cope the way I do, this is just my route. If you can find ANYTHING that gives you some sense of accomplishment, maybe you can hold on just long enough for things to get better.