I am 55, but at 21 I put a gun to my head and wondered why I shouldn’t pull the trigger.
After contemplating for about 5 minutes like this I became aware of the ridiculous and uncomfortable position I was in. I realised the motivation for suicide was strong but was not coming from within me. Having removed myself from most of the negative influences in my life just to get to that point, the motivation for suicide had left me. There was nothing in me that wanted to end my life. Others, it seemed, were wishing it on me.
I resolved that if I didn’t follow through, then I would never try this again. Well after another half a dozen attempts I pretty well ignored that deal with myself, however I did eventually get to the bottom of my issues.
Psychiatrists.
That’s right – psychiatrists were driving me to suicide through unsolicited, unlawful, and forced medical treatment without legal process (which is permitted under Australian law).
I still get suicidal, but I have one rule that works really well (for me anyhow only because I have a strong mind and great self control) – I can get as suicidal as I like provided I stay in bed and absolutely do nothing to act it out – in fact taking measures to make it difficult – and I am not to get out of bed until I have ended my suicidal thoughts.
This has the benefit of allowing me to give myself “down” time and get some release. I don’t want or need anti depressants.
If you think you can do this, then it may be a technique that can make things more bearable as you sail through the ups and downs of life.
2 comments
Hi Not4Me… Welcome to SP. This is an interesting post… and, particularly, an interesting first post. It could work at times. There are times when I’m feeling down but still full of energy and staying in bed wouldn’t work. But perhaps other times when I’m down in both mood and energy, this could do the trick. In any event, I’m glad it works for you. Whatever works is what you need to do.
Nice technique. Well done. My compliments for sharing this.