to feel…

To feel as if you want to just jump off a bridge to stop the silent hurt that is slowly coming, you can’t see it, you can’t stop it, all you can do is feel the agony it brings to you, the hurt and pain it puts you through, to think but not know your thoughts, like they are masked, to not even know they are there till it’s almost too late. To not know if your suicidal, you don’t think you would ever want to make yourself not live, just sometimes, once in like a month you feel if you could just disappear that all the problems in the world would go away, the thoughts and feelings, that come out of nowhere would all be gone. To feel as if your energy is slowly being drained from your body, everyday you feel weaker and weaker, you know you have to be strong, but the weakness in you is getting too strong, if Only I knew if there was a chance at happiness, I can’t say again, because I don’t remember the last time I was truly happy, not even when I was younger. To feel as if you were being stabbed out of nowhere, falling to the ground, hurt, in agonizing pain. To never know the answer to why I felt like that, to why it comes out of literally nowhere.