Why do I even try to befriend people?
Why do I even try my best to feel loved?
Why do I even try to find people who might care for me?
Why do I even try to hope that someday I will find love?
Why do I even try to stop myself from thinking about suicide?
All I do when I befriend people is hurt them.
All I do when I try to feel loved is get hurt.
All I do when I try to find people who might care for me is to feel useless and unwanted.
All I do when I try to hope that someday I will find love is I feel hated and reality slaps me in the face.
All I do when I try to stop myself from thinking about suicide is to question who would really care.
Who would care?
Who would care if I died?
Who would miss me?
Who would miss me if I died?
Who would mourn?
Who would mourn for me if I died?
Who would cry?
Who would cry for me if I died?
Who would regret?
Who would regret things if I died?
Not a lot of people would care.
Not a lot of people would miss me.
Not a lot of people would mourn.
Not a lot of people would cry.
Not a lot of people would regret.
How do I keep going?
How do I keep picking myself up?
How do I keep helping others?
How do I keep living everyday?
How do I fake smile or laugh?
I keep going because I know if I stop I would die.
I keep picking myself up because in reality that’s the only person who will.
I keep helping others because that is who I am. I am selfless.
I keep living everyday because I need to be there for some people.
I keep faking smiling and laughing because people can’t know the truth.
What are my thoughts?
What are my feelings?
What are my wounds?
What are my outlets?
What are my “demons”?
My thoughts are mine.
My feelings are mine.
My wounds are mine.
My outlets are mine.
My “demons” are mine.
Where do I find the inspiration?
Where do I find the motivation?
Where do I find the pain?
Where do I find the hurt?
Where do I find the courage?
I find inspiration in music.
I find motivation in art.
I find pain in myself.
I find hurt in others.
I find courage in people who are brave.
When do I want to die?
When do I want to love?
When do I want to leave?
When do I want to forget?
When do I want to forgive?
I want to die almost everyday.
I want to love everyday.
I want to leave almost everyday.
I want to forget everyday.
I want to forgive almost everyday.
2 comments
Hey, things can’t be that bad. And if they are, well at least you know they can’t get worst. I don’t know why you feel like this but I do know that if you want to make a change in your life, only you can do it. I hope you’re okay, and I’m not going to tell you that I understand because I probably don’t but please know that there are people out there, just like me, who care. And if you ever need anyone to talk to you can always send me a message.
Much Love,
Sarah
Why? because you still hold some hope.
Who? Some, maybe not a lot… but there are some, and that counts if you really want it to count.
How? By being strong and finding strength in those who care (still, you do not need to fake things).
What? Only you know about that… and we all carry all those things with us for all of our lifes.
Where? Within yourself and in others (i do relate to the music and art tho).
When? Whenever you want to… but some things take longer than others to arrive, doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be lived tho.
Take care, and have a hug, i enjoy your posts.