I wanna leave

Well, my life is kinda not how I pictured it. I grew up in a broken family where no one cared for one another. When I was 5-6 years old my  father chased my mother and me in a car chase with the intend of killing her but I will never know about me. He was nuts, I’m guessing he was possibly on drugs or something. Then, my parents divorced.  I was sent to boarding school for 1st and 2nd grade.  I didn’t see much of my parents, my mother was lost and who knows where my father was.  Then I floated from one school to another, went to a new one almost every year.  Always lived with someone different every few months, never felt at home or loved anywhere. Then got away from all this when I was 17 or 18, did my best to be somewhat accepted somewhere.  My twenties were a bit wild, partying, drinking and stuff.  Lost someone dear to me.  Had a 5 year relationship but I didn’t feel overly special.  Then jumped into a 10 year relationship (pretty much overnight), never felt truly special either, this guy brought the worst of me.  I am now on my own for almost 2 years, lots of good has come into my life and I am grateful for it.  But at the end of the day, the whole time that I have been on Earth, I’ve been homesick.  Not the kind of homesick like moving back from where I came from.  It’s way more complicated than what it seems.  I don’t have a family, never had one and never will have one, it’s much too late.  I believe it’s time to go peacefully and release my soul to better consciousness.  Love to all.