I stumbled upon this site, and felt a sudden pang go through me.
These new posts are from today.
I realized there are people posting right now, feeling incredibly suicidal with no one to talk to.
That scares me. It makes me sad.
Guys, a year ago I was in your place.
I promise you, it gets better. You must have heard it a thousand times. You must think it’s bullshit. I did. I never thought it — I — could get better.
But it did. I did.
I promise it can be like that for you, too.
I promise.
You just have to hold on.
You ARE wonderful. Hope is not as dangerous as it seems. If you can hold on, if you can somehow find beauty in the small things, it will all start to seem worth it.
Life is worth it.
You are worth it.
If you need someone to talk to tonight, I’m here.
shadow9113@hotmail.com
<3
5 comments
How did you do it? I can’t ever imagine I’ll ever feel any better. I just can’t. What made you change? Was it personal belief and encouragement? Or did it just heal and one day you didn’t feel it as strong?
The most important person in the world to me left and never wanted to talk to me again. It was then I realized I had to be the most important person to myself.
I started applying that saying “fake it ’til you make it” saying. I looked in the mirror everyday and no matter how hard it was I told myself I was pretty. I hated it and I felt like I was lying, I felt like I didn’t deserve it. But everyone deserves to feel pretty.
I stopped looking down when I walked. I met peoples gazes and smiled. I felt awkward but I did it anyway.
I looked at pretty things and bought them or made them or wore them and told myself I deserved them no matter how much my insides screamed that I didn’t. I put glow in the dark stars on my ceiling. I started playing guitar instead of taking oxy to fall asleep alone.
I made an effort to get outside everyday even if just for a few minutes.
I started eating 5-6 small things a day. I took fish oil and vitamin b complex. I got a job. I started going out with friends even though I felt social anxiety, and like I didn’t belong. I started to realize I was contributing. I wasn’t ever annoying people, I wasn’t a burden. I was a person like everyone else.
Once I could manage eye contact and a smile to strangers, I decided to compliment a stranger a day. It makes you feel good, and that stranger will remember that compliment for the rest of the day.
It took a lot of work. It took SO MUCH work. But eventually I started to wake up, go outside and look around. The sunlight is warm. The snow on the ground sparkles. The sky is blue. It’s not so bad.
It takes so much fucking work and you will have days where you say “fuck it. Nope. I’m not eating today/ interacting today/i don’t deserve to be happy/ whatever.”
That doesn’t make you a failure. You can wake up tomorrow and try again.
For me, I just had to keep trying and trying and trying. Eventually I got it right.
I’m sorry that you’re wrong, but don’t realize it.
You cannot possibly know that “it gets better” for anyone else… and it would be quite fallacious to assume that “it will get better” for others, just because it got better for you. You got lucky; not everyone does, or can.
SelfAM, there are people here with all sorts of experiences… Some of their experiences are pretty tough at the moment. Don’t be surprised if you get some pushback from some members of the community because, to be honest, the very nature and name of this site are based on negative experiences.
With that said, I’m glad things got better for you. I hope you’re able to maintain your accomplishments. Since hitting a brick wall a few years ago, things have slowly progressed for me. There is no bed of roses… but I awake to see the sunlight each day. That’s further than where I thought I’d be by this time.
if i am truly wonderful, i wouldn;t even be here. you’re a liar. but that makes two of us.