I’ve been thinking of suicide alot lately. Actually… my whole life. I’ve had severe depression since the age of 3. Right now I’m in my mid-30’s. I’ve been on different medicines and tried different kinds of therapy but nothing seems to work. I believe this just might be something I’ll have to live with all my life.
I was born into a very bad situation. Let’s just say that my body betrays me big time. I’ve had a very hard life and have experienced things no one should have to go through. I many times have horrible luck and everything- and I mean everything- is difficult in my life. Everyone tells me life gets better. News flash- it doesn’t. Not for everyone. My future is very dim due to things I can’t change.
I’m not trying to get any pity with this. I’m just laying down the fact that if anyone deserves to end his life it would be me. I’m not going to get into my life story or problems in detail- that’s not what I’m here for.
What I’d like to talk about is other people. I see people post online that they’re suicidal and the “pro-life” crusade begins. These people baffle me for several reasons. I’ll use myself as an example. Let’s say I post online I’m going to kill myself. People will line up saying don’t do it, we’ll miss you and be sad, etc. Why should they even care? They don’t know me at all. My absence from the internet and their life would impact them in no way.
So, why is that the default response? I have some theories. One is that our brains are wired for self-preservation, so people will project that onto others. Another reason is that society has trained us to have that response. I believe another reason is that people do it to make themselves feel better and important. The thought of them “saving” someone’s life fuels their ego and makes their life feel important. Therefore, they help a suicidal only for selfish reasons.
I also love these people’s logic to keep living too. They spew about theories of the afterlife. I’m not a religious man at all. I do believe in God or a higher power, but lately I’ve been questioning that too. I don’t believe in hell or the devil. I’m already living in “hell” and the devil isn’t needed because humans are evil enough for the job. Telling a suicidal he’ll go to hell is nothing more than mind control through fear. This kind of technique is used by those in power to control others.
Then there are the people who say that when you’re dead you cease to exist at all. There is nothingness. I admit I found the thought that when I die my soul is gone and there is nothing pretty scary. However, if I cease to exist I will no longer be around to care about that. Therefore, it won’t bother me.
I’m not sure what happens after death- if we live on or not. And, if we do live on what it’s like. I do know one thing though- I can no longer live this life. Anything- any kind of existence- is better than this. Even if I cease to exist after death having no emotions and no pain is better than the emotions and pain my life gives me.
Then people argue that family and friends will miss you. This is true, but what if I died today from natural causes or an accident? Dead is dead. Does how it happened really matter? The outcome is the same. Some will be sad but life goes on. People will move on, I’ll be replaced and over time will be forgotten in history.
Life is not a gift. We never asked for it or asked for what we’re born into. Human are very powerless and don’t have control over most things. There is one thing- one power- that we all have. That is the power to control our life by ending it if we choose.
I personally believe people who are able to override their instinct and overcome their fears and commit suicide are brave… not weak like society says.
12 comments
Wow you wrote a lot of thought-provoking stuff. I wish I could answer it all, but I’ll only answer parts of it.
First, you are right in that we are sort of programmed to respond in certain ways. When someone dies, we say “I’m sorry†to their family and friends. Why are we sorry? We didn’t cause the death.
But you are wrong when you say a suicide of someone we don’t know doesn’t affect us. It affects all of us, because we are all connected in spirit. We are like a stream, nice and calm, and when someone throws a rock into the stream, it sends ripples throughout the stream. A suicide is that rock.
We don’t know if a suicide’s afterlife is better than their life. In many ways it seems it is, for example there are no money debts to worry about. Nobody has a disability in the afterlife. But whatever troubles you in this life, you still will have to work through it in the afterlife. And it’s harder. So it may not be painful, but it’s got to be hard work, and it has to be done. Plus you’d have to face whatever lessons of life you missed because you shortened your life. That’s hard too.
Finally, life is indeed a gift. For sure we don’t have control over things like earthquakes and stuff. But we have control over how we react to the stuff. We have the power to do something about the stuff, even if it is as simple as praying. That is the whole point of life: to experience the bad and to react as we can.
If only good stuff happened to us, that is no gift. The gift is the bad stuff, that we can learn and grow from. It’s a greatest gift there can be. Frankly I wished I realized it more often and was more grateful.
Thanks for the post.
You’ve pretty much just summed up everything I’ve ever said to all the people that keep telling me to live. I though I was the only one that had logically and reasonably thought out suicide and arguing against everyone was getting pretty tiring, glad to have someone on this side for a change.
Still sorry about your problems though…I am human afterall
I have a hard time believing that a suicide is like throwing a rock into a stream. Considering some of the horrible things people do to each other and some of the horrid, non-suicide deaths people have a suicide, by comparison, is nothing.
I can’t agree with you on the afterlife theories since we really don’t know. Will our trials in the afterlife be harder? We don’t know. As for learning life lessons what about this idea? Suicides have learned the ultimate lesson- this world isn’t worth it? Who’s to say that a person hasn’t learned all the lessons they’re supposed to learn before their suicide? There might actually be no plan for us anyway so we’re not supposed to learn up to a certain amount of lessons. How would these lessons learned help us in the afterlife anyway?
If the gift in life is bad stuff then I have plenty to give you. Sometimes having too much of a gift- or a gift you can’t handle- is bad. I don’t want my gift anymore. If the point of life is to experience bad stuff then I’m at my quota and get the point. Time to move on.
Yes Sigh, it’s hard to be logical in an illogical world. People always see you as wrong because they don’t want to accept the truth. I sometimes curse my brain for always wanting knowledge and answers. Sometimes I wish I was just a stupid, ignorant person who could enjoy his life.
Life is a card game. We are all givin different hand’s.
So good so not so good. Some win big time some lose
It’s just a card game.
some good not so.
You are right there Radar: Ignorance is bliss. I watch the news, national/international its depressing as hell.
Must we all endure to the end? In some cultures Suicide is a noble thing, back in the day with Japanese Samarai.
Disclaimer first: Don’t get all upset, i”m just explaining to answer your post.
Strictly Christian viewpoint here:
I read your post, and you did mention that you believe in God or Higher Power. But there is an opposition to all things, so there must be a devil.
I believe we did ask for this life, allow me to explain: In the Pre-mortal existance, there was a grand council, God, Jesus, Lucifer and all of us were there, Lucifer wanted to force us to be obediant to God and we would not have a free agency.
So you are right about our ability to choose: Because Jesus said lets give them Free Agency, to test us to see if we are obediant to God.
1/3 of the host of heaven agreed with Lucifer and were cast down to Hell and denied physical bodies, they are jealous of us mortals. So then comes temptation to encourge us to sin.
Since we agreed with Jesus: here we are. We are on probation basically to prove ourselves by being obediant and obtaining a body that will eventually be resurrected after the Second Coming.
You have the power to choose, we all do, but with choices come consequences, that is why I havn’t shot myself in the head yet, I’m afraid of the consequences, maybe mortal problems have ended here, but what about immortal problems, they are probably a lot worse.
Your post was intriguing, you articulated it very well, I hope you read this, and ponder on it, I’m not pushing religion on you, its just a view.
Actually up until a few decades ago seppaku was still practiced and acceptable in Japan. I guess suicide is just like anything else in life and is decided if it’s taboo or not by what each society says.
I personally don’t believe in an opposition to everything. I don’t believe or agree with Christian beliefs, but I’m glad you prefer to explain your beliefs instead of brow beating and forcing it on others. It bothers me when religious people proclaim you’re wrong and will suffer eternally for not believing their beliefs.
I don’t believe in or agree with alot of things, but I’m also unsure of other things and know I don’t have all the answers.
radar, body-betrayal chat?
People never look at the fine print. “Everyone wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die …â€
There is no “goodâ€, only a perception of “good”. No “hellâ€, just something made up to keep us in line – In my mind, an “all powerful creator†can’t have an enemy – it negates the “all powerful†part. God & religion has been sold to you. My hope, is that a “God” would have something better going on in His “life” than the insignificant crap here on planet Earth – if not, “He” wouldn’t be a very worthy deity, would He? If the God of Heaven and Earth fame is helping win basketball games and making my lottery tickets lucky – looks like Heaven isn’t going to provide and escape from the monotony of …
As far as “the bad situation†and “horrible luck†– dude, it sucks, but it happens.
Accept it, deny it, whatever – I respect your decision not to get into the gory details – there are going to be good times, bad times and it’ll probably get worse before it gets better (if it gets better).
People only post their “pleadings for life” to assuage their potential “guilt” in case you go through with suicide. Even “anonymous guilt” can cause discomfort and any “discomfort†is inconvenient, and inconvenience sucks. Therefore, so I can enjoy my Captain Crunch in the morning – “don’t do it! You have so much to live for – get help, etc …â€
As far as labeling suicide as “brave or weak†— suicide is narcissism, plain and simple. “I can’t … So I …â€