What does the society want from some one who is about to do it

20 years from today which is 7th july 2009 and the burial day of Michael Jackson, I was a kid of 10 and was thinking that my life is not worth living. I might have killed myself if I could but surely I did not. I dont think it was a mere cause of depression and emotion. Let me put the facts and figures in front of you and you decide what should people like me do. Since I am definately not the only one in this situation, society has a responsibility to do some thing about this. I am not saying , that society should bear the burden of our living expenses but rather they should give us some room to do something to make a living in this challenging world or give us a means to die peacefully.

So what do we really live for and when do we feel like dieing ? We definately need food and need to earn money to live. However I was a bit of a sick child, a bit dumb and a bit deformed looking. So I am still dependent on my parents for my living after 20 years. They are also sick and old and I dont know how long I can live like this or should do so. I dont have a job and see no luck of getting one, although I am not totally handicapped and finished college. Now my mental condition is worse (and now I often say baseless things like a pshyco) then it was ever before due to depression and other distress that I have to go through in my daily life.

Now on many sites on the net they are saying that you should never try killing yourself and God is great and there is more hell waiting for you if you suicide (as if we did not have enough in this life time). I agree with them and ask those people, How am I suppsed to live like this ? Should I leave home and go to a jungle and starve to death and leave my near ones some pece of mind, who suffered so much agony due to my sick condition ? What other way do I have for living ? Considering that I live in a very poor part of the world?