Hey, why today and not tomorrow or some other time? We may lose everything but we still one thing, and that is the choice to live or die.
Think about it, give your self some time to get away from everything and if you need someone to listen I am here. Let me know, I would like to help or just hear you out. Regardless I respect any choice you to choose to make and I hope you find your peace in your decisions.
I honestly don’t know why today and not tomorrow. I just feel like I’ve got nothing left. I’ve been hoping life would get better, but the empty feeling stays in place. I told my grandma today not to expect to hear from me anymore. Don’t have the courage to tell anyone else. I know that not being alive will hurt some people, but the loneliness and empty is killing me. I’ve been trying to stay alive, but everyday I live in silence. I try and go to the park or do fun things, there is no joy, just obligations doubt and sad. And honestly I’ve got no one left.
I know exactly how detrimental being alone and without support can be and its effects on our perspectives of hope.
Can I ask why you informed your grandmother that she will never hear from you again? I know you felt you didn’t have courage to let anyone else know but why your grandmother?
Because I don’t want her to worry everyday when she doesn’t hear from me. We don’t live in the same state. She needs to be checked on daily, but if she isn’t expecting me to call then she will worry less and eventually she will stop looking for me to call her.
No. At least not now. And they wouldn’t come looking anyways. Barely talk to them. Never have. I’ve looked at my phone at least 20 times since I got on this site and no one, none of my friends are even talking to me. They rarely talk anymore. Only when they need something.
They would tell me the same things they always tell me; you’ve prayed wrong, God would hear you if you were different. They would tell me they care but only tell me the need something and ask for my help in return. I’ve been asking for help for a long time. Going to counseling and I spend my time now crying, but the pain is too much now. I don’t want to die, but I can’t hold on anymore.
Prayed wrong? How is that possible, and to be told “God would hear you if you were different”? Sounds more of a way to denounce responsibility to help you and more or less blame you for your own misfortunes. If only they could walk in your shoes and understand the pain you feel.
I must apologize that you feel as if you have no one and this is what you must feel. I know you don’t want to die, and I know you feel as if you cannot hold on much longer but can you please give yourself this night. I am more than willing to be here for you.
As for counseling, did you see any benefit from it?
Counseling is 50/50. Mostly it’s a way to pump me full of meds that make me a zombie. I don’t want to live like that. Prayed wrong yes…but I know that God hears me. I wish they could understand or at least care to understand, but I don’t think that understanding me or what I feel is realistic to expect from my friends or family. I just wish I knew how to keep going. As for waiting for another night; I’m not sure. The minutes are counting down and I don’t want to wake up in the morning to the same pain. I’ve been waking up with tears so long that I don’t want that anymore. I am sitting in my bed right now and I don’t know if it’s time or if I should wait. My friend has a birthday tomorrow and I don’t want to not be here to say happy birthday, but I also know that she won’t notice if I don’t. I just don’t know.
So counseling helps a bit but not enough becuase the other half is simply prescribing of meds that make you feel like a zombie. Are you currently on medication right now?
I think we all wish the people who matter could understand and help but like you said realistically some just cannot.
It doesnt mean some cannot and cannot try. But you said your counting down the minutes, does this mean you have a set time and method in place?
I am still alive. One of my friends needed me to transport them to church and take their kids to their events. I am still alive. Don’t really know what today holds. I woke up with the same thoughts. I begged God to deliver me. I’m tired of crying though.
“you’ve prayed wrong, Gawd would hear you if you were different”.
Biggest crock of fuckin’ shit I’ve ever heard. Disregard the rest of your family, mate. Their ship has long since sailed (and hopefully been sunk as well >:-D)
Well, you’ve let someone know and regardless of their intentions towards you from this point forward; they know. The only easy do you’ll ever have is “yesterday”, today is another day in paradise, and tomorrow never comes. There is here and now; what you choose shall dictate what happens for either the next few hours or the rest of your life.
Move for’d unto your destiny, ever vigilant of Death and accepting of the fate you shall bring upon yourself. May you find peace with whichever path you take, friend.
Hey, I saw you made it through the night. Im hoping you to here from you again so we can continue talking. I think we both are tired of crying. I dont know what kept me here as well today but if you ever want to talk again your more than welcome to contact me anytime. Mr.Kojak1410 @ gmail
17 comments
Hey, why today and not tomorrow or some other time? We may lose everything but we still one thing, and that is the choice to live or die.
Think about it, give your self some time to get away from everything and if you need someone to listen I am here. Let me know, I would like to help or just hear you out. Regardless I respect any choice you to choose to make and I hope you find your peace in your decisions.
Take care.
I honestly don’t know why today and not tomorrow. I just feel like I’ve got nothing left. I’ve been hoping life would get better, but the empty feeling stays in place. I told my grandma today not to expect to hear from me anymore. Don’t have the courage to tell anyone else. I know that not being alive will hurt some people, but the loneliness and empty is killing me. I’ve been trying to stay alive, but everyday I live in silence. I try and go to the park or do fun things, there is no joy, just obligations doubt and sad. And honestly I’ve got no one left.
I know exactly how detrimental being alone and without support can be and its effects on our perspectives of hope.
Can I ask why you informed your grandmother that she will never hear from you again? I know you felt you didn’t have courage to let anyone else know but why your grandmother?
Because I don’t want her to worry everyday when she doesn’t hear from me. We don’t live in the same state. She needs to be checked on daily, but if she isn’t expecting me to call then she will worry less and eventually she will stop looking for me to call her.
Do you think your Grandmother will inform any relatives of your intentions?
No. At least not now. And they wouldn’t come looking anyways. Barely talk to them. Never have. I’ve looked at my phone at least 20 times since I got on this site and no one, none of my friends are even talking to me. They rarely talk anymore. Only when they need something.
If you were to tell a relative or friend of your true intentions would they do something?
Would you want them to do something and try to reach out?
They would tell me the same things they always tell me; you’ve prayed wrong, God would hear you if you were different. They would tell me they care but only tell me the need something and ask for my help in return. I’ve been asking for help for a long time. Going to counseling and I spend my time now crying, but the pain is too much now. I don’t want to die, but I can’t hold on anymore.
Prayed wrong? How is that possible, and to be told “God would hear you if you were different”? Sounds more of a way to denounce responsibility to help you and more or less blame you for your own misfortunes. If only they could walk in your shoes and understand the pain you feel.
I must apologize that you feel as if you have no one and this is what you must feel. I know you don’t want to die, and I know you feel as if you cannot hold on much longer but can you please give yourself this night. I am more than willing to be here for you.
As for counseling, did you see any benefit from it?
Likewise.
Counseling is 50/50. Mostly it’s a way to pump me full of meds that make me a zombie. I don’t want to live like that. Prayed wrong yes…but I know that God hears me. I wish they could understand or at least care to understand, but I don’t think that understanding me or what I feel is realistic to expect from my friends or family. I just wish I knew how to keep going. As for waiting for another night; I’m not sure. The minutes are counting down and I don’t want to wake up in the morning to the same pain. I’ve been waking up with tears so long that I don’t want that anymore. I am sitting in my bed right now and I don’t know if it’s time or if I should wait. My friend has a birthday tomorrow and I don’t want to not be here to say happy birthday, but I also know that she won’t notice if I don’t. I just don’t know.
So counseling helps a bit but not enough becuase the other half is simply prescribing of meds that make you feel like a zombie. Are you currently on medication right now?
I think we all wish the people who matter could understand and help but like you said realistically some just cannot.
It doesnt mean some cannot and cannot try. But you said your counting down the minutes, does this mean you have a set time and method in place?
No plan. Just some pills here and a knife. Won’t use my gun. Counting is over.
Please don’t, pills and the knife will do much more harm. Please give yourself time.
I am still alive. One of my friends needed me to transport them to church and take their kids to their events. I am still alive. Don’t really know what today holds. I woke up with the same thoughts. I begged God to deliver me. I’m tired of crying though.
“you’ve prayed wrong, Gawd would hear you if you were different”.
Biggest crock of fuckin’ shit I’ve ever heard. Disregard the rest of your family, mate. Their ship has long since sailed (and hopefully been sunk as well >:-D)
Well, you’ve let someone know and regardless of their intentions towards you from this point forward; they know. The only easy do you’ll ever have is “yesterday”, today is another day in paradise, and tomorrow never comes. There is here and now; what you choose shall dictate what happens for either the next few hours or the rest of your life.
Move for’d unto your destiny, ever vigilant of Death and accepting of the fate you shall bring upon yourself. May you find peace with whichever path you take, friend.
Hey, I saw you made it through the night. Im hoping you to here from you again so we can continue talking. I think we both are tired of crying. I dont know what kept me here as well today but if you ever want to talk again your more than welcome to contact me anytime. Mr.Kojak1410 @ gmail