It is human to, at this point, put forth a greeting to the community i have just joined here. Hello. I want to die. I shall start with a recent tale of achievement in my life.
-I am very happy that recently, I secured my avenue of prospective death in a manner of which I shall not discuss, but which brings me great solace to find was appropriately covert and fruitful. I feel peace knowing I can hold the hand of death this way, and have been more productive for having this comfort.
This is all I shall share for now.
I planned to end it a couple years ago when I was in high school , but now i’ve graduated from college and started University. Everyday, at the back of my head, I struggle to imagine a future for myself because I feel like i’m way below average and I won’t be able to make it in the working world. I choke on my words when talking to anyone I’m not close with and I feel like a social failure. My thoughts of ending it were harsher than they were now but I still dream of dying everyday.
My life is actually not bad but I […]
Ever let the anxiety sink ,the rage boil up
Ferment the pain, and bottle it up
Reflecting on the past like it ain’t slow enough
Mom’s always sad that I ain’t growing up
Pills help me cope but I’m still fucking up
Fuck going outside, the moon aint show enough
I laugh about death like I ain’t dark enough?
Friends ran away? I guess they stalked enough?
Fam patient with my death like who’s taking what?
keep a sharp angle, latitudes of my cuts
Force you to be strong like you ain’t had enough
have the nerve to ask what’s wrong…
God ain’t fucking […]
How many times have you said “i give up”?
How many times have you cried?
How many times have you kill your mind?
How many times have you hurt yourself?
When will you stop?
Always lost in the dark, never gave an effort to find light.
Covered in marks, never even bothered to fight.
Worthless, useless, incapable, dissociated.
Every negative words invented, you describe yourself with them.
You are a sad person. And you anchor down the people around you.
You worry about every single thing around you.
You cry at every inconvenient thing that happens.
People pity you. You pity yourself.
Never had dreams, because you’re untalented.
Your own mother doesn’t even like you.
Your father hates […]
By: yours truly (a sick in the head teenager)
TW ig idk how to do this lol um sh suicidal thought and questioning everything and also SA
Why? A question I find myself asking quite often. What is the point in anything if its all nothing. In 150 years, everyone who is alive at this moment, will be dead. Including yours truly. Though it is up to us how we spend those years. A sad realization my 13 year old self has come to is, in lets say 500 years, no one will know of my existence and probably yours as well. Unless of course you […]
today’s been rough. not sure why, honestly, it’s just been a hard day
i’m pretty frustrated with myself; kinda want attention but also i don’t want to inconvenience people by asking for it. eh, i don’t know
rough couple of days
I am 28 years old and I live in Los Angeles. I have PTSD that causes me to have a breathing problem. I have been through so much despair that I unwillingly hold my breathe when ever I am around people. Every one and I mean EVERYONE talks about like I am stupid ,they gossip right infront of me and they don’t even whisper.
They are basically Brittney Spearing me. My breathing problem is not being able to fully breathe in or fully breathing out. I work as a courier in DTLA and I am always being himulated . My breathing […]
What do I do when my mother tells me to go live with my father, but my father has been absent for 5 years? What am I supposed to do when non of my parents want to be fucking responsible for the human being they brought to this fucking world? Where do I go?
i can’t feel anything lately. right now i should be sad, a family member passed away yesterday. but i truly just don’t feel anything. it’s like i’m walking on air
that’s not new though, i’ve been struggling for a few weeks. recently, certain memories regarding childhood trauma have resurfaced, and i don’t know why. again, i’ve been struggling a lot.
i don’t know what i want to say, actually. you know how people sometimes change their personalities slightly depending on who they’re with? lately i had to create a new persona, let’s say. my mom said a few things on different occasions, so i decided to pretend […]
well, i am BACK.
lately things have been pretty normal i suppose, though i can’t say i’m well, it’s alright y’know? honestly i’m just a bit more anxious than usual today because of a dream i had last night, where i tried jumping off a 7th floor but then nothing happened and no one noticed, so idk. felt off when i woke up.
also, i got an app to keep track of my mood because i always forget, so i can look back if i need to; it’s been helpful i suppose.
anyways, i hope everyone here has, at the very least, an okay day today, tomorrow […]
me ranting about stupid shit…
Ever since I was a child I’ve been an overthinker on the stupidest shit. Even now I can’t have one argument with a friend, or something without thinking about it the whole day and it being stuck in the back of my mind. It effects my day to day life because it progressively gets worse throughout my life. I can’t even take a simple compliment without thinking if they really meant it or not. Now I have horrible insecurities about my body and personality. Moving on, I’m currently almost failing three of my classes and as a previous honor roll student […]
idk whats wrong with me. no matter what i do nothing is good enough. I have a d in calc and im questioning gender again and march 15 is coming up. i planned to die two years ago on that day and fuck. everything hurts and i wanna relapse and i’ve lost all motivation to stay clean or do anything and fuck. i just want everything to be over.
I don’t know where to start. Sometimes it’s just like why do I even bother. There are days when people say hey how are you feeling or you know hey how’s your day going? And it’s like what am I supposed to say that slowly dying on the inside that I’ve been secretly contemplating suicide lately? That I don’t even know how I get out of bed in the morning if it wasn’t for muscle memory I’m sure I would just lay there. Luckily for work I’ve been able to mask my feelings by putting on the facade. I can go and smile at people […]
Hi, I’m sorry for this. I’m really sorry. This seems like the best way to get it out thought. I’ve realized it time and time again.
I’m going to die. Life has no meaning. There is no purpose of conscious existence. I rather wish we lived in a world were they could be no existentialism, but obviously not. There is, a simple way out however. So simple. And it would be worth it. It really would.
I have a plan. I’ve been thinking about it for the longest time. Please, please, in the comments, this is a heavy rant, and I know you’ll want to […]
i read a story once about a man who was tied to a chair facing a cave wall with a fire behind him. He couldn’t look left or right or even at himself, just the wall. As things went past her saw the shadows of them on the wall. That became his reality, it was all he knew. I can’t shake this feeling that I’m not really here, or anywhere. What are my thoughts? I’m just a vessel for tiny organisms to be transported, maybe my conscience-ness was a mistake? How do I know anyone else can even have thoughts and feelings? What is my […]
I don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Everything is going wrong with my life right now and I feel nothing. Not anger, not sadness, nothing.
I just have this emptiness that I cannot fill. What’s funny is that people have been telling me that i look happier lately. Hilarious.
At this point I wish I was sad or angry. I wish I felt something. This enotionlessness scares me to no end. It makes me numb to things. I’m scared I will do something to myself.
I laugh it off and “smile though the pain” because I think if my body looks happy then I will […]
I’ve stopped taking my meds in hopes of bringing back all the shittiness and to maybe store meds for if I ever decide to kill myself and I tell myself that it’s better than feeling numb but I honestly just hate myself and I feel so uncomfortable unless my chest is bound and I don’t know why. but I just wanna fucking die. I’m so tired and I hate myself and I can’t find the energy to do anything and I can’t reach out to anyone and my mom won’t stop preaching about god and I’m all alone and fuck. I really just wanna die. […]
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]