As it gets closer to time I’m wondering what it will be like. Will there be pain? Will I feel life leaving my body? Will I be asleep? Will I be afraid? Will I fail? If I fail what’s going to happen? Will I be hospitalized? Psych hold? What method will I try next if the pills fail me? My brain is busy processing all these questions. Has anyone attempted before that is willing to share your experience?
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According to statistics most suicide attempts fail… I felt like throwing up when I was swallowing the tablets (probably due to their coating too), but I don’t remember much. They took me to a big hospital by helicopter because somebody had called them. They found me unconscious, so they had to break the window. When I woke up in hospital I had a huge tube in my throat. I hated it… I could hardly swallow even days after they removed it…
I am trying to find the perfect method too, but it is not easy! I am a perfectionist and want to do it really right. Sometimes things get worse after a failed suicide attempt. You know, stigma etc. And sometimes people survive, but their suicide attempt also has physical or mental consequences. I once read of somebody who had lost her memory after taking too many tablets and never regained it.
Stick around a bit longer if you have doubts. We are all in the same boat here… 🙁
i’m willing to share my experience!, but i’ll be short, my first method was carbon monoxide poisoning, failed miserably and went to a mental facility for a week (i will later post about that, if you’d like to know more about that, you can read my posts) and my 2nd attempt was partial suspension (hanging) and that failed because 1) i woke up and 2) i was a stretchy cord, not a rope and also not enough pressure to close the carotid artery.
I plan to grind the pills up and mix them with a cocktail of SunnyD and isopropyl alcohol. Waiting for pills to dissolve in my system I don’t have time for that. Nobody around to try to save me. Tonight I’m going to have a nice dinner, take a bubble bath, style my hair, apply make-up, put on a pretty dress, Andrea Bocellà will be playing, I’ll drink my cocktail and slide into bed Nessun Dorma will usher me into the eternal rest.
Yeh, my intention is for tonight as well and i’m also wondering the same question. I don’t have anything to say to make you change your mind, but just ask yourself: why am i spending my last hours reading and writing comments on a suicide website? I think that’s because you don’t really want to die tonight, but you feel so lonely and hurt and troubled that no other thoughts cross your mind but eternal rest. I know because that is what i am thinking.
Whatever you choose, good luck.
Actually I’m doing many things. Finishing up cleaning my apartment, laundry, reading over the letter I’m sending to my attorney trying to make sure I haven’t forgotten anything, and crying, lots and lots of crying. I can’t keep telling myself it will pass, it will get better, it NEVER does and all I’m doing is prolonging the agony of living in misery.
I can only imagine that once you have taken the pills you’ll have a tremendous feeling of peace at last, you’ve finally made the decision and done it, but as mentioned before, most suicides like this fail so be ready to deal with the after effects and how you’ll feel. The pain of your experiences in life won’t go away, the only way is to talk, and talk to people who have gone through similar experiences, seek out support groups if you can, there are users on here who have been through abuse and of being lonely. I’m sorry you’re on the verge of taking your life, I wish you peace of mind and a peaceful end, but I wish a lot more that you will stay with us and try to keep going.