My colleague at work was upset so I asked her what was amiss.
She said her mother was extremely emotional and trying to console a friend.
“Her friend found her son hanging in the closet.”
I was stunned, but not by the fact the friend’s son had hung himself in his closet. I was a bit taken aback that I had recognized the method mirrored my own exit plan but, more notably, more so at the lack of sympathy for the family. Instead, I felt what I have identified as…
Jealousy for the gentleman…
It has become clear I’m ready. I didn’t expect the realization would be so anticlimactic. Then I reminded myself that an expectation otherwise was utterly silly.
It’s time to go. Quietly, peacefully, and alone. I perceived my exit as failure for the longest time. However, it’s merely only one terminating end point of an infinitely ridiculous and pointless decision tree. I’m merely choosing based on the probability of outcomes of the many foreseeable scenarios resulting from other available decisions. Simple, really.
Thank you for your time.
3 comments
I too, become jealous of the dead
I actually think that there are a lot of people who are jealous of the dead. (including me)
I also become very envious when one gets to stop living this ridiculous existence.