whenever things finally seem to be working out for me, or I begin to feel a little better, people just decide to fuck it all up for me again?
Why can’t people be reliable?
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Because people suck.. Never rely on anything from anyone, that’s what I’ve learned at only 17 and I’m nso much happier that way (:
People fuck it up for you even when times suck. It’s just that when you’re happy it becomes more notable because its a greater change in mood. And we also feel stupid for trying. When life already sucks, another problem just makes you more miserable. And we just expect to get only bad things. Hence good things give us hope which is what people crush hence we feel worse.
It should always be assumed that people will think and act with their own self interest in mind. Until they have proven otherwise, one should always presume that another person will not hold the same value to your privacy or feel the same sense of urgency to your needs, wants and desires.
In other words – don’t blindly trust anyone or rely on them to do something you find important unless they have proven to be trustworthy, honest and sensitive to your privacy.
wary dawg
there’s a reason this witticism exists: “if you want something done right, do it yourself.”
The other thing… i think it’s a subconscious manipulation tactic, often perpetrated by people who need you to depend on them (which is often a result of them feeling the need to control and/or limit you). I think most of them don’t realize they’re messing up anyone’s life… they just do what they think they need to do, without really examining their own motives. But sure, sometimes it could be intentional. There’s plenty of people out there who get bitter and jealous and will try to disrupt other people’s successes, just because they, themselves, are failing. They can’t get what they want, so they try to make sure no one else can either. This is very backwards, IMO, and is a huge factor in why so much is so wrong in the world.
@Yana I get this feeling all the time, I think you might be right..
@Dawg this is the thing, I only keep people close to me if I know I can trust them; I don’t have fake friends/family if that’s what you’re implying. It’s just that when I start to sort things out (and it is hard for me to do because of my lack of self-belief and will to live) people all of a sudden start being ignorant and forget that I’m still depressed. And they do stupid things that they never did before. It feels as if the universe is trying to tell me that any attempt at improving my situation is pointless.
I just wanted to respond to a few of your comments with some alternative thoughts/ideas … disclaimer – I don’t know you or how your life works so bear that in mind if they seem way off the mark.
gen: “I only keep people close to me if I know I can trust them;”
Generally a good guideline to have and go by, but when you make it a hard fast constraint that they MUST be trustworthy in every facet of life then it could be possible that you’re being too constricting with your criteria that you are losing out on the value they might be able to offer despite their flaws … we all have strengths and weaknesses … I have more than a few friends who are fun to party with but I wouldn’t let them babysit my kids or my dogs – that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy their company for times they bring fun into my life, but i can restrict their access from the areas of my life where they might be less than helpful
gen: “people … forget that Iām still depressed”
It’s really not their “job” to remember … and considering that depression is a dynamic condition (it changes in intensity and severity) … it could be that they are simply misreading you or are seeing the “front” you put up to hide your depression. It also could be that they are simply trying to improve your spirits and if they are uninformed as to how your depression works they might not know what works and what doesn’t.
gen: “And they do stupid things that they never did before.”
Or could it be you just never noticed before? I mean, you say you notice these new actions only when you really care about something … could it be you just not seen them because you weren’t paying close attention to the things you didn’t care so much for? … just putting it out there … it seems plausible since I know it’s happened to me before. Sometimes we’re too self absorbed with our own issues to notice those of folks around us.
gen: “It feels as if the universe is trying to tell me … ”
C’mon now … the Crab Nebula cares how you feel? … and Pluto wants to know what you had for breakfast? š Oh that Pluto … has been a real jackwagon since his demotion š
Gen: ” … because of my lack of self-belief … ”
You KNOW you exist … I don’t know what there is that would shake that belief that you do so I’d contend that you don’t “lack self belief” in the slightest – if it’s confidence in your actions/abilities that you lack, then I’d suggest starting with small basic confidence building projects/efforts and maintain realistic expectations and slowly build on the successes and learn from the failures by modifying the methodology until you achieve success.
There’s an old geezer saying: “Don’t bite off more than you can chew” … far too often people want everything right now but don’t want to put in the effort and build the fundamentals and “waste the time” … you “can’t get there from here” without taking steps … and it would be wise to put on some comfortable shoes to take that “walk” … to not do so would be asking for difficulties.
So be it, relationships or projects – we have to invest in them and build a foundation to maintain them, they don’t just come at our asking and they aren’t just “ours” to do as we would without giving something in return.
Just an offering of a different perspective – hope it helps
space dawg
You’re right Dawg, they are way off the mark š thanks for spending time writing all that stuff though.
@genesis0987 I find personally two solutions, that either you can avoid people all together… which would be a very depressing life… or you can just find who you can trust and who you can’t. If you get used to people long enough you can often see from a mile off what they’re personalities are like. But until then its trial and error… which is what experience is and what life is all about.
And yeah, i’ve been stuck in the same trap for a long time. It has been one single most devastating influence on my will and ability to make any progress.
All i can say is… you gotta find a way to get away from those people, so that their malevolence cannot interfere with the progress you need to make. It’s either that, or learn to sufficiently navigate it… and i’m not sure which is harder. Both seem rather implausible to me.
@clevername I don’t think that’s the issue. These people are in a far better place than I am, they have nothing to be envious of. Besides, most of them don’t even know about my little accomplishments or whatever. So I don’t understand how it happens that the one time I care about something, it always goes wrong.
@clevername I don’t think that’s the issue. These people are in a far better place than I am, they have nothing to be envious of. Besides, most of them don’t even know about my little accomplishments or whatever. So I don’t understand how it happens that the one time I care about something, it always goes wrong.
like i said: people feel the need to control others, to keep them down. If you manage to break free from their controls, you won’t need them anymore, and they’ll see this as a loss of power.
Trust me, i’ve been in that same place for a long time. I have nothing, no accomplishments, nothing for anyone to be jealous of (minus my mind, which doesn’t help much in a world that favors physical advantages). Every time anything starts to seem like it’s about to improve, someone else ruins it for me. I’m surrounded by passive aggression and manipulation. If i seem like i’m escaping the arbitrary BS “they” put on me, they pile on even more, or interfere with key moments/factors in my seemingly never ending recovery. They won’t let me recover. The few people in this world who claim to care, always do something to disrupt any progress i try to make. After a while, i got tired of trying to start over; it’s obvious they won’t allow it. No one wants me to figure out how to make it in any way that isn’t the way they want it to be. What they don’t seem to realize, is how that will ultimately result in my voluntary departure. If that’s the result, they will indeed deserve whatever grief they might experience. I won’t feel “guilty” at all. I am awake and see my life very clearly.
@clevername I’m sorry to hear that. It really does blow my mind how people closest to us cause us most harm, when they should be the ones protecting us from it.
I don’t know about guilt.. I think this is why I’ve not killed myself yet. I still worry about how people are going to react to my suicide. They’re not bad, like you said, they might be doing this unconsciously, so I don’t want them to feel bad because of something out of their control. But I also don’t want to spend ages writing letters or recording videos trying to explain that they’re not to blame. I guess they would already know that if they paid attention when I was talking to them about my depression in first place.. But people are people..
CN I must interject here and state the obvious that innumerable ppl are jealous or envy your intellect. your mind is the king of the kingdom and if you have a healthy mind the world is your oyster because you can use it to plot n scheme and plan a means of attack. I’d give anything to be in your position man because just having your mind–a mind that works the way it should and was created to–gives you limitless possibilities bro. I know I don’t know your whole situation but I am familiar with some of your plight and ails and I truly think you can make the changes you so desperately envision in your mind. I think you can do all that it is you want to do and feel you need to do to overcome whatever obstacles are in your way. Yes, this world does value the physical aesthetics and good looks but with your mind funnelled and focused in the right direction–into something that ignites you–I think the sky is the limit for you. fo shizzo
Thanks man, i appreciate that. Though it’s not so much aesthetics as it is more physical characteristics, in my case. I don’t think i’m ugly, but i just don’t have that physically dominant alpha male build… i’ll never be a 200lb+ musclebound hulk. I’m physically weak and it shows, and most of the reason behind that isn’t even genetics (though mine do tend toward being slim and lean), but is a combination of various injuries, lack of proper recovery (go figure), and ongoing profound depression. If there was nothing physically wrong with me, i could beat the depression part. If i wasn’t depressed, i could probably build myself up to overcome the physical obstacles.
There are copious and varied obstacles, but one of the worst ones i constantly struggle with is that my conscience doesn’t want to let me work for “the bad guys.” I don’t want to support the system that has always worked against me. Every time i’ve tried, and i have, i’ve felt like i’m being poisoned, or burned alive, inside out. When i notice my actions, even out of necessity, have contributed to a problem i despise, i feel absolutely disgusted with myself, to the point of being physically ill. Sometimes, even when i manage to sidestep the paradoxical trappings of my life, i still end up thinking that it would be better to just remove myself from the equation entirely, instead of going against my own conscience and making the world worse for someone else. For a while, i even tried, as hard as i could, to completely separate myself from the concern for the well-being of others, out of sheer necessity… but the effect was the same as described above. I could interpret it as being “my own worst enemy,” but at the same time… convincing me not to contribute to the problem, isn’t something an enemy would do. But at the same time… i don’t “believe” that “the world would be better off without me.” I just don’t know how to have both survival and principles. I don’t know how to integrate with a world that seems to primarily embrace values incompatible with my own… and i don’t know how to survive without doing so. So really, i’m not doing anyone much good by existing.
I don’t want to help build the death star (to use an established star wars reference). Meanwhile, i’m wasting away, because “the empire” controls almost everything.
Idk, it’s complicated, to say the least. I figure all i can really do is continue trying to give myself as much of a chance as i can give myself, and whatever happens, happens. I just don’t see it working out so well, so far.
@op cuz ppl are ppl and they’ll do what ppl do which is fail. over and over and over. that’s why I’d advise you to make friends with the animal kingdom. animals are much more fun–specifically lions. nothing gets the endorphins and blood pumping like a good lion chasing after you. if you felt depressed and overwhelmed by all these here thoughts in your head before, you sure as shit won’t be thinking of them while your evading this famished fun loving lion on your tale. I guarantee you that. scouts honour!
try not to let ppl out a damper on your progress tho. easier said than done because sometimes we have to live in close proximity to these ppl that tend to trigger us. so maybe try to plan to move or live away from the people who tend to be your personal Debbie downers. I don’t know if that’s in any way possible for u but keep on truckin. this site has an assortment of different personalities and perspectives for u to buffet from. choose what works for u n discard the rest (:
People ARE reliable. You can count on them to step on your face with a shoe covered in dog shit at every opportunity. Seriously, the last ten years or so I have found the majority of the people I have to deal with seem to be desperately looking for ways to get attention and feel significant. And usually they do it through pushing, shoving, bullying – anything they can think of to get ahead of or gain power over others. I am so sick of the backstabbing and narcissism and in reality it’s all just chicken-shit compensating for how lousy they fell about themselves. Nobody seems to have the courage to stand on their own merit anymore. It makes me sick.