Just like anyone else on this site, I have my problems. I’m a girl who’s 15 and I also feel like I messed up my life. Just young and thought she was crazy in love with a guy. Felt like I screwed up my life by having sex with him and just knowing him. Some people would probably through the bible in my face or scold me about how I made a huge mistake. Yeah, I get it. I screwed up. It wasn’t the best decision I could’ve made, but it’s happened so what can I do about it? It’s not like I did it just to do it. He was trustworthy and we were safe about it. I was gonna speak up and tell him we should stop, but his mother found out so it was either he broke up with me or he’d move faraway. I wanted to keep him as a really good friend at least.
What made me feel worse was that in his mind he always had this dream girl that he would see and he felt like she was the most important thing in his life. The last time we met he met my friend and he was freaking out about how she was a lot like his dream girl. A few days after we broke up, he said his mom overheard him talking about my friend and she wanted ME to get him and her together. I have no freakin’ clue why I agreed to it. Just think about it. I believed I “love” his guy and I have to HELP him get with another girl. It was torture, but because he sorta wanted it too so I did it because I wanted him happy and I was okay with letting him go at the time to at least a good person I know. Ultimately, my friend wanted no part in this so she just rejected him.
After that, he admitted he still liked me and so I guess I’ve been his little “pet” since then because I still love him. Since that incident, I guess you can say we’ve been okay. We still keep in contact because we both love gaming and I am crocheting the eeveelutions for him 😛 though a few days ago he has been noticeably silent so as usual I get this crazy mentality that he doesn’t want anything to do with me anymore and so I get extremely depressed to the point where I get mixed emotions and my anxiety goes haywire and I cry almost every minute. Sometimes I go overboard and tell him I’ll stop making his eeveelutions and he’d get really pissed at me and I’d feel bad and apologize.
I really screwed up now though. I got insanely overdramatic about him to the point where I annoyed him and he told me that his dad’s side of the family (his dad left him when he was young so he has a half-blood family) hate him for just being born and that his dad chose not to talk to him anymore… I felt like the worst thing in the world right now for asking him. I always screw up, not just to him, but to my friends and family, too. My anxiety was bad enough and now that this happened, I feel like I should just die. Of course I won’t for realsies, but heck. Life. Wtf is wrong with you? It sucks man.
In all real-talk, I mentioned to him that I don’t believe that that was really the case and it’s kinda one of those strong negative mentalities some people have. I don’t know much anymore. All I know is I’m crying like donkey that’s drowning and I’m hurt and I feel so incredibly bad and I feel like I freakin’ screwed up everything.
That’s my story. Thanks for reading. <(^_^<) Hugs to ya, friend.
1 comment
You seem like a sweet person Phoenix. This guy is lucky to have someone like you in his life.