I’m sorry if I cause drama or something on here. But I feel like I’m safe to pour my heart out on here. Because the name of it is” suicideproject.org”.
I’ve been dealing with depression for the last like 7 months. It’s gotten worse over the past months I’ve been trying to forget about it. It went away for awhile but it came back after a while. I’m to the point where I hate myself and my life so much that I just want to end it all and then the pain will cease. I’ve been thinking about the most painful ways to kill yourself, and then there’s the most less-painful ways to kill yourself like sometimes overdosing, depending on what you overdose on. I want to just take lots of pills, and fall into a deep sleep and never wake up. Because honestly, life is too hard for me right now. With all the negative influences in my life. I’ve gotten too close to them to just easily let go like I can others. I sent my best friend a text saying” I don’t understand why God made me 🙁 I’m a worthless human being who deserves nothing but death. Â I hate myself I just wish I could be somebody else. That’s all I want right now. No guy, no love, nothing 🙁 not to even go to georgia this summer. I just want God to end my life so I can stop this suffering, that’s what’s bringing me down to the point where I want to end my own life <‘(” <—- part of the suffering is because I remembered all the hell I went through almost 5 months ago. One night, I got so upset, I actually grabbed my razor(use to be my best, best, BEST friend), and cut myself around 36 times. All on my arms, but I didn’t do it so deep that people could notice it. I still have 4 marks on my arm from that night where I cut too deep. I have like 8 scars on my left arm that are very noticeable. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m not suppose to be here, and that I need to die or something. Every time I see a chance to hurt myself, or even potentially kill myself, I want to take it really bad. But I don’t. Cause what are my two best friends suppose to do? I’d hurt everyone who knew me, especially my parents.
I asked my mom about 2 months ago to take me to my counselor and have me put on some depression pills. But she blew me off, saying” you don’t have depression”. The next day, I looked up the symptoms, and I noticed I had all of the symptoms of it. I told my mom again, she still blew me off.
I wish one of these days, my knight and shining armor, would come and save my life before it’s too late </3
4 comments
You’re knight in shining armor will come…just be patient my lovely. And keep hope.
Life is guaranteed to have downfalls. The best thing to do is try as hard as you possibly can to keep your chin up. Just remember that there’s always sunshine on the other side of the road. Whatever the situation may be, you need something to fulfill you other than what you have now. Patience is the key. God didn’t create anyone on accident and you are no exception. You’re a human being with emotions, and God loves you for who you are. Don’t let yourself fall. Try hard to stay standing even though it hurts. I have depression problems also, and I know how it feels to feel empty and like there is no purpose in life. It really does suck. You’re knight WILL come. You just have to wait patiently. You obviously want help coming here. So that’s a start. I understand the whole parents saying you don’t have depression. It’s upsetting because YOU know how you feel, and they don’t. But most parents refuse to believe that their child is suffering like that. It’s denial. It’s not that they don’t care about you. Try showing your mother your scars. Write it out on paper a note to her explaining how desperate you are for help, and make sure you tell her you are having suicidal thoughts. And don’t give up. Keep on telling her. Keep bugging her so that she understands how important it is to you that you get help. If you need someone to talk to, you can email me at A.M.Lapietra@gmail.com. I am more than happy to talk and help you with anything that I can, even if it’s just to be an ear.
you came to the right place, welcome friend. were all here to help and Love eachother and we’re all dying. so welcome. feel free to comment and post whatever you need to.
Hey. So sorry to hear you’re going through such a rough time. It sucks that your mom isn’t taking you seriously. If you can, maybe you can talk to a school counselor or go to the doctor on your own if that’s possible and try to get some help. Or even call a distress line and see if they know of any resources in your area.
If you want to talk it out, send me an email: carin@uoguelph.ca. 🙂
I’m praying for you. God LOVES you and He does have a purpose for you. You’re not worthless. He created you to have a relationship with him, and it’s possible through Jesus, who thought you were worthy enough to DIE for. You are beautiful!