Why I’m here

I’ve tried for a very long to just simply put on a mask and fake it till I make it when it comes to being okay. I don’t have much energy left for it though. I can tell my mask has begun to crack and the will I had to hold on and hold out has been fading much more rapidly that ever before. I don’t have anyone to talk with on any of this nor have I ever. What I hate most about it, is I hardly feel there is even a reason I should feel like this. I just cant find a way to connect with anyone and it’s left me feeling completely alone inside. I’ve never lived long in one place so I’ve never had people around for a long period of time. I’m not really sure why I haven’t yet tried to kill myself to be honest, maybe the hope that I’ll have something worth holding onto. But maybe it’s time to just say fuck it and get it over