I’m sure that most of the world has heard that Robin Williams has passed away by asphyxiation. He died by suicide. Most of us on here are no stranger to depression and suicidal thoughts/tendencies. I’d be willing to guess that everyone here would be understanding but a curious thing happened with Robin’s passing. There has been so much attention on his passing and this “new” mysterious illness that magically gained relevance. Of course, it’s not new and it’s been real for so very long.
I have no right to go on and on about how much I will miss Mr. Williams and how he will forever have left a dark part of my heart. I did not know him personally and I don’t pretend to. I knew the stage Williams and that is who I will miss. I will miss the stupid jokes and silly accents. I will miss the joy he brought into my dark childhood. Most of us battling depression have that in common; dark pasts. So, when I read articles describing how much of a troubled man, he was-I often wonder how those people will react to every day people like you and me when we come out of the proverbial closet. I have depression. I have had suicidal thoughts. I had suicidal thoughts a mere 30 minutes ago and I will continue to have them until I can control… this. It’s ok. Yes, he was flawed-but who isn’t? I can honestly say that I have many different flaws but that makes up who I am.
I know the argument that goes something like, “Why does it take a celebrity to bring attention to serious issues?” Which, for all purposes, a fair point. Most people need a shock of relevance in order to start caring about something. Mr. Williams death provided that. The effect that I have been observing over the past day or so, is the negativity coming from society on his passing. “He’s such a coward.” “It’s his own fault for not asking for help?” “Why didn’t his family stop him?” You could frame any of those phrases to fit any of us. THAT is what scares me about this national attention.
I can’t speak for any of you but I feel more alone, scared, and unwanted that I ever have before. I cry for the newest darkness over my childhood. I weep for the lack of compassion towards my fellow survivors. I scream for all of those who are drowning and cannot swim. Robin’s death has hit me very hard due to my own connections to suicide and for the death of compassion of my society. It seems that what should be a hand grasping ours to pull us out of the water is now a hand pushing us down further-well, at least for me. I don’t feel like I can move into the light and receive help. And the sad reality is; once Mr. Williams death is processed by the nation, depression will become just another invisible disease that no one talks about and we will all fade away as if we were nothing and never existed.
4 comments
You make some valid points. I have not been following the fall-out and explanation of Robin’s death, but I can imagine the talk and gossip. I might catch up with it later online. Yes, when a celebrity is affected the big D (depression) suddenly becomes a talking point. I was shocked by the news, never having known RW was a depression sufferer.
I didn’t like him all that much because he seemed like Hollywood product but now I realise he was a human being too and I am far more sympathetic. I’m sorry Robin…I did not see the sadness in your soul, many of us don’t see that until we are confronted with the evidence and I am as guilty as anyone.
Yes, very valid points indeed. I made a post about this today on facebook. I recently lost my brother to suicide, 2 months ago today, and felt the same way you do. That people don’t notice these things until it is in the public eye such as with a celebrity. That, as you phrased so well, “Most people need a shock of relevance in order to start caring about something.” It is a sad truth that people don’t realize things until it is too late. This happened to me. My brother. And there’s no going back. And so for him and for everyone who is in pain I saw everyone talking about and shocked by suicide and felt the need to write about it. So this was my post:
I feel the need to post something. Please read because I speak from the depths of my soul, even though it is a risk to bear it to you all. But it is far too important. Robin Williams’ passing has brought a lot of attention to suicide. It is something that isn’t talked about often, hardly understood, and yet the fact is, it is a sad, cruel reality in this world that happens every day. It is something that has unfortunately affected my own personal life forever. I see things through different eyes now and I hope to share this with you. It is heartbreaking to see someone like Robin Williams go, who was a light to so many. Imagine that was someone you loved personally, your family, and their light in your world left you forever. It is shattering to the core. Even someone like Robin Williams who you would think has it all, was in so much pain behind those laughs he gave us. Those who often give so much and make us smile, feel so deeply and hide their own burdened hearts. So we can learn some things, and these are hard truths… You never know who is suffering unbearable pain, it happens all around us. They do not want to die… they do not want the pain. It is consuming. We need to bring awareness to this subject for a better understanding of it and those affected and to be able to help people see all the options they have before resulting to something so permanent and devastating. And also, and this is what I’ve been trying to say… Love everyone in this life. We are all in this together. We all make a mark on everyone we meet. I don’t care who you are, where you are from, we are all a part of humankind. Let’s stop arguing over small things and let everyone into our hearts. And let’s see what is in theirs. Let’s do something that matters and help each other. It is only then that we can bring more light to this world. I love you all and will be here for anyone at anytime if you ever feel the need to reach out to someone who will understand and not judge and talk about things that are really felt on the inside. All the ups and downs of life. I am here. I may have a broken heart but I am going to use it to help people mend theirs. I wish I could have known the depth of all this earlier. So please, take it from me. I wish everyone happiness, peace, and love in their lives. And to know that you are not alone. I invite anyone who would like to join me in the Out of the Darkness Walk for suicide prevention and awareness to honor those who left this world much too soon and to remember how they touched our hearts in those small and great moments. And to raise awareness that might possibly help someone out there. Maybe one person will be helped and that one life matters. Tell your friends and family. Find one in your area. And through all the pains and struggles this life brings, let’s be there for each other. Really, truly. Have conversations that reach the depths of each other more often. Enjoy the beautiful things. Learn. Grow. Be the reason someone smiles. And always know how loved you are.
And then I posted the afsp link for the walk. Which I haven’t figured how to post here without it becoming spam.
And some words on depression for better understanding:
This was a link to an article on buzzfeed called “Things Nobody Tells You About Being Depressed.”
So that was my post and people received it very well. I saw people sharing links about suicide, suicide prevention, understanding suicide and that it is not in fact cowardice or selfishness that people choose it, but instead, the unbearable pain. And I found this as the opportunity the world needs to have an open discussion about it. Because it is real and happening every day. If people aren’t scared to talk about it, and know about it, and are there for each other, I think this world will be a better place. I hope more people feel this way.
Thanks for your post and I hope you find comfort in the other views of this topic.
You have US, please don’t forget that.
After my attempted suicide, when I found myself in a psyche ward, I felt normal for a change. The other patients understood me. The honesty and lack of platitudes was refreshing. From what I’ve seen in interviews, Robin’s friends and family knew he was severely depressed. They did everything they knew to help him. He could afford the best rehab, the best doctors, and yet he still preferred death to the hell of his own mind. People who haven’t been there don’t ‘get it,’ cannot possibly understand the pain. But you have us. We ‘get it’ and we try to understand. Even though each of us is in some respects unique, we share a common bond of pain.
I have a novel coming out in the near future that deals with a fictional suicide attempt, much drawn from my own experience, but cushioned with caricature and humor to make it more appealing to a wider audience. The title is Karma’s Little Helper. I will announce it on this site when it’s published, not because of the money I might make, but because I want to share.
In writer’s groups, my fellow writers, who had never considered suicide, just didn’t get why my main character would react the way she did to rejection. The outside world will never understand, but people on this site do.
Suicide is probably the most saddest type of death, just thinking about somebody who brought you deep happiness takes their own life because you never showed deeply how much you love them out loud. Scratch that, it is the saddest thing in the world as we each have our different personal loved ones that no matter how much somebody says they know how you feel, they will never ever do as your loved one meant nothing to them as they did to you, even though they can lose somebody they love in the same way that so closely replicates your pain. We all live a different life, everyone’s pain is different. Knowing this could do nothing but frustrate you even more…