i’ve just been fucking up sooo much lately… me and my girlfriend just broke up not too long ago… now my fucking best friend since like 1st grade, who is also my cousin, decides that he wants to date her. and, what i feel is in an effort to hurt me, stops talking to me, and just completely cuts off all sort of communication. xbox live, facebook, even in school. i wanna strangle that weasly fucker, but if i do that, my ex won’t talk to me anymore. even though she flirted with him throughout our whole relationship, i still wanna talk to em both… i’m just that compassionate… i love them both, and they’re both hurting me so much. then i just learned that she basically promised she’d go out with him “as soon as i get over devon” (her words, exactly). which is pretty awesome. cause 4 days after we broke up, she gave him a handjob, and he came on her. at that point, i was ready to just simply switch schools. so i explained my situation to my mom, and she just brushed my shit off, like it was no deal. i’ve asked to go to the doctor’s… but i don’t wanna tell her i feel depressed. she always makes my problems seem so insignificant, and make me look like i’m not shit. at least my step-dad doesn’t try to pry my fucking life open. and then ***** at me for what he finds. then on top of all of this, (this one is pretty much my fault…) i was trying to mess around with this girl, who happens to be one of her friends (which isn’t surprising… my HS only has about 500 people 9th-12th), and i know for SURE, i messaged her saying that i didn’t have like, “love” feelings for her, but i did find her really attractive. so she said that was not a problem, so i invited her over, and we kissed, but didn’t mess around at all… and THIS goes to another part. this guy, who’s been a good friend of mine for like 2 years, decides that he wants to be my ex’s “booty-call.” and i asked her if she messed around with him, and i asked her, would she tell me the truth… she said no. so she asked me if i tried messing around with the girl, and, of course, i said no, seeing that, with sound reasoning, it’d be fair. but NO. she gets mad at me for lying to her, when she’d do the same damn thing?! and she let that fucking fat douchebag cum on her?! that deceitful fuckface that wasted 10 years of my fucking life, because this girl had liked him from 4th-8th grade, and he didn’t do anything, then i date her in 11th grade, and he gets jealous?! wow man… i just cannot believe i live in such a ragtag fucking species. most of mankind never ceases to embarrass me. it’s almost like a plague to be considered a person sometimes. so many two faced fucks, and conniving assholes, willing to do w/e they want to get what they want. even if the person standing in the way of that has been their best friend since 1st grade? are you kidding me? that shit is just ridiculous. and the saddest thing about it… he denies even flirting with her for the last 4 months of our relationship… i think this cock should be one with darwinism. or maybe one with a bat to his head. this is the first person i have ever legitimately considered beating, close to, or to death. but it’s w/e. cause in the end, nobody will see my side. even though i’m the one who’s getting every last bit of shit shoveled in their face. the only thing i have left to hang on to are RPG games, and my enlistment in the USN. everything else could just be gone, and i wouldn’t care. i wish i could just go back, and be born as someone, or something else. this isn’t the right vessel for my soul… i belong somewhere else… i gotta… nobody cares about me anymore here, so what the fuck is the point… idk if i can suffer another year of this underhanded high school. i wanna leave. anything. city, school, state, life, idgaf. i just wanna be away, forever. i don’t wanna do this anymore. nobody would even care if i died, besides my family, and possibly my ex, but just cause she knows that this is mainly her fault. idc what anyone thinks, but i’ve been crying so much recently… and over little shit.. i’m depressed as fuck.. i just wanna go… sometime this week sounds good…
3 comments
3 comments
I feel like you do, minus having the friend who cums on the ex o.O honestly that is extremely fucked up. If you ever wana talk we can, maybe we can ease some of our pain by talking to each other?
I completely share your feelings about how two faced and self centered people are. I’ve been screwed over by plenty. Had my own scene with an ex boyfriend that’s similar to yours too. Sometimes I just kind of hate everybody, but I try to remember that there are good people out there, even if it is kind of hard to find them. You shouldn’t let jerks like that control the outcome of your life. You’re better than them. And I know how painful it can be to lose somebody you love and a best friend all at once (happened to me too), but eventually it’ll stop feeling so terrible. I still get depressed sometimes, especially at night or when I don’t have anything to occupy my time, but it’s gotten a lot easier, and life has started getting better too.
i just don’t know what to do. i keep losing everybody i even have contact with. even the good people in my life that supposedly cared about me, just up and leave. they really wouldn’t care if i died or lived, either way. they might cry, just cause it’s “tragic”, but in the end, they don’t care… maybe you two show that you care, but it’d be nice to have someone in my active life to talk to… i can’t sustain myself from my computer, and stay fit and healthy… but if i could, i would. i don’t wanna talk to anybody anymore. i just wanna shut myself away, but i can’t help myself. then when i try to talk to people, they shun me, like i’m a fucking nobody. idk if they realize they’re hurting me this much, but it sure as hell seems like they do… i wanna get better… i don’t wanna die, but if this keeps up until school’s over… i don’t wanna do it anymore.