Hi. I am going to a therapist tomorrow to see if I can find a new “person” for me to be.  I spoke to a counsellor at my work and she asked me how long has it been since I have felt like myself and happy. I had told her that I could not remember truthfully.  We both shared a laugh when I said that I will just have to find a new person to strive to be.    I decided long ago and after careful research that I will die of hanging.   I have plannned it all out for a long while. This plan includes  home improvement and fixing up my will. Â
I have kids that I have no business being the mother of .  You are probably rolling your eyes and thinking that I am such a selfish person just about now.  I don’t think that this is true as I have identified that they deserve much better than a shell of a person to care for them.   Their father has changed his mind and does not want them in his life so I have to find a new situation for them.  Everything seems to be easy to plan with the exception of what to do with my kids.  I wish I could plan this out with willing participants to choose where they will go. Any place they go is going to be better than wth me. Any advice on how to deal with small children would be appreciated.
5 comments
I don’t have any advice for you, I wanted you to know that I read this and I empathise with you. My children were 8 and 10 when I failed 4 serious attempts because I knew they were better off without me in their lives. I felt as though i was protecting them.
How are you doing with your kids now? I think that I am depriving them of a good childhood. Are you able to help them be happy? I work over 60 hours a week and try and keep up a home that I feel is pointless. We are too poor for trips and anything fun for them. Don’t even mention child support. I am in WI and there is no collection enforcement so that is pointless. Sometimes the child support is 5 bucks a month which is sufficent for the child support agency and the courts.
I don’t know what the secret is to helping my kids be happy. Sometimes I think it is welfare. I find myself envying those people who are sitting at home and collecting welfare. They have a chance to be good parents. Unfortunately, I have no chance of that. Being a home owner and having a job prevents that altogether.
I’m rather confused, to be honest. Are you going to hang yourself or are you going to a therapist?
Either way, I have no advice for you, but I wish the best of luck. I hope it all goes well and your children grow up to be good, happy people.
Well, the long term plan was to hang myself. I short term plan is to see a therapist so see if I can adjust my long term plans 🙂
That made me smile cksalem