They don’t know, I don’t clean the house to help them out. I clean the house to keep myself from killing myself. The thoughts are there, I know I am stronger, truth is I just don’t want to be here anymore. I need not be alone with myself, and these thoughts. I wish I had a friend to talk to about this, but I don’t I have no friends. The only people who come in contact with me only want me for one thing, that is my fault, because I have always given it to them. I don’t want to be that way anymore, I don’t know how to do anything else though. It is the only time I feel wanted, loved even for just a little while, and it makes me smile, if not that, I am not smiling. I am just dragging my feet through a different day, sometimes I just want to fall and never get up.
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3 comments
I understand some of what you are going through. It can be tough when your dealing with those kinds of feelings. Well if you need an online friend you can email me
jrock7766@hushmail.com
Sure I would like that, e-mail you soon.
Hey fullunicorn,
Wow, your like me everyone thinks I clean the house to help out but just like you I do it to distract myself from spontaneously killing myself.
Hey do you like cleaning products? I love cleaning with all the products. Lol
Oh how time fly’s when your having fun!!!
I have no friends either only see them when they need something and are in trouble, they use me I know but still at those times I’m happy and greatful they came to me, its fucked up huh?
We have a lot in common 🙂
Anyway don’t know what my point is but you are not alone, take heart and go clean that bath. Lol…I’ve cleaned everything in sight its immaculate I think I’m going to change my room around now just for the hell of it.
Thanks for the post it makes me feel better there are other people who use cleaning to distract themselves. 🙂