I was thinking of the past today. I was trying to make sense of why things are happening the way they are now. Like, maybe it’s karma. I always think of myself as someone who makes good choices and is a good person. I like to think of myself as someone that treats people well and is a good friend. But looking back today, i remember a time that I was a horrible friend. And, so, now i think maybe this is my punishment. Maybe why I am so alone and i have no support is because of that. I’ve had trouble making friends and keeping them all my life. I thought i’d grow out of it. Now I realize…I am a shitty person and i don’t deserve to be loved by them. I deserve everything that Im getting. I get to watch my old friends be happy, while i cry myself to sleep every night. I get to watch them be in relationships and be in love. I just sit and enjoy how fucked up i am. I deserve to be alone. I deserve to have a horrible life, because i’m a fucking horrible person. If i could take this life and give it to someone who wouldn’t waste it, i would. I wish i could. I’m tired of taking up space.
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3 comments
I wish there was some pill, some remedy for when your heart is broken because of You.
It’s like that scene from girl, interrupted when winona tells angelina no one cares about her because she’s dead inside already. You try so hard to make up for your mistakes but… it almost seems like forgiveness is for everyone But you…. and If you can’t bring yourself back to life, you would rather die… I’d rather die than be a zombie
I am feeling EXACTLY the same way you are. But I think maybe you are putting too much blame on yourself. It’s important for other people to be willing to forgive our imperfections as we are to forgive theirs. Maybe you could reach out and apologize if there is something specific but I understand. It’s very important for us not to get angry at those who react in a reasonable way to our bad actions. When the damage is too great we have to let them go as best as possible and move on and try to do better next time. Learn from what we did wrong and vow to do better next time.
I feel the same I know exactly were u coming from