When you’re suicidal, why do you choose not to kill yourself?
I don’t know why I haven’t killed myself yet. I am so tired of being depressed; I am so tired of my mood swings.
I wish I didn’t care about anything; I wish that I was a sociopath.
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Hey. Well I’m still in that process too. I think I know why it’s like this…. No one WANTS to die, they want to get out of PAIN. Most of the time people want to die but can’t because there is someone they can’t hurt/leave or they simply can’t kill themselves. I really hope I helped, this has helped me.
methods are the biggest obstruction in my life, if I had a gun or an “off” button I would have died years ago. I’ve tried suspension hanging but blood would coalesce in my head from pressing on the jugular vein and it would hurt like hell. that’s the only method I have available and it’s not preferable.
Well mainly because I’m afraid that if I try, I’ll fail and everyone will know I tried to kill myself. That and many of the ways of killing yourself, if you don’t succeed are gonna be so effing painful once you don’t die. Don’t want to risk that. Gotta find the foolproof method first.
I mean sometimes it gets so bad that I don’t even care if I survive or die. If I survive, I’ll probably die soon enough. But otherwise my brain rationalizes with me a bit. I hate that part, like why can’t you just turn off and let me be done with it?
I don’t really feel all that depressed anymore, but I’m not really sure if it is an improvement as now I just kinda feel numb to things. Apathetic and hopeless, but the feelings are low key, like background noise. I’m kinda at the point where I don’t particularly care if anything happens to me but doing anything myself is too much of a proactive step.
That said, I have begun gathering means. A couple months ago when I was really deeply depressed I made a note to myself saying that Jan 10 would be the day, so that kinda pushed me on to getting ready. Bought a 12 gauge. Did some research and found the kind of ammo science says is most likely to produce fatal wound trauma… which may be overkill as I’d imagine any old buckshot to the chest or face would do the job.
I don’t know if I will really do anything now that I can. I doubt it really, but it never hurts to be prepared. Except in this case, I guess. Meh, will see how it goes.