If you saw me at school you would think that I was a typical 16 year old girl. I like my starbucks and uggs. I am nice to everyone and pretty much always have a smile on my face. Yes, I am bullied very regularly at school but I don’t let that effect me during the school day. If you asked anyone who new me just on a school level they would probably say that I am a very happy person but they would be wrong. I am not a happy person. I am actually very depressed, as is most on this site. I cut almost every night and cry myself to sleep. All I think about now days in school is cutting and suicide. It is my dirty little secret. No one knows, not even my best friend or my boyfriend. I hide my cuts or make them so they look like “accidents”. No one know how depressed I truly am. I am the girl that coaches people out of depression and cutting but I can’t do it for myself. I would hate for anyone else to feel the way I do. All I am called at school is a whore and a ***** and get told that I am ugly and not worth anything. I feel so shitty about myself at school and sometimes when they are teasing me I would just like to show them my cuts and tell them how much their words really do effect me but I can’t because then everyone would find out and that would not be good.
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My dirty little secret indicates you feel it’s something to be ashamed of, with people who don’t understand then perhaps so, but depression is nothing to be ashamed of in reality, it happens to so many people, you’re not alone. Because people feel ashamed, so many put on the happy smile like you, while underneath is the twisted wreckage of their lives, please believe me that it doesn’t have to be this way, you can stop it getting like that. I’m sorry you’re bullied, I could write a whole comment about that alone, it’s vile what we go through at school because of others, comments about being ugly are common and don’t mean anything, try and ignore them, I know it’s hard. Not sure how long you have left at school, or when you leave the bullying behind, whether it’ll improve things for you. However, you must find a way to beat the depression and the cutting, you know now that you can’t do it alone, a shame, so you must reach out to someone, but you have to choose the right person. If you have a good relationship with your parents and feel they’ll be understanding then that’s an option, else someone who you know will offer you support and counselling to get you over this. Depression can be beaten, so can cutting, it’s sad you cry yourself to sleep at night, I really hope you find the help you need. Talking and expressing yourself also helps, so, if you want, use SP, rant if necessary, get out your feelings.
Um you aren’t a whore. Whores get paid for sex. Selling your body is an honest pofession besides. You could be a crack dealer selling stepped on bullshit. I wish somebody would pay me for sex. I’m broke as shit. Don’t listen to the haters. There are a thousand people out there willing to put you down to detract from their own fucked up shit. No need to hate yourself for them.
Bullies are cowards. There is not a single bully that isn’t a coward. Its about detracting attention from themselves. Don’t project a victim attitude. You show them it hurts and bother you and they go in for the kill. Laugh at them. Point out how sad it must be for them to live such boring unfulfilling lives and then walk away laughing. Laughter kills bully in tracks. It makes them feel ashamed and foolish even if they are pointing out real flaws. Don’t engage. Gurantee they will give up. A bully only keeps up their shit as long as you give them the reaction they are looking for which is signs that what they say bothers you.
Hmm…going back to the one time i can think of where someone actually bullied me to the point I considered knocking their ass up if i could…
Unfortunately for myself, being a rather small, and both able-minded person, I ended up letting it go, and letting the anger dwell on for days…
The only way I could cope with it is plotting out how i could drive a knife into this asshole’s back, and preparing myself for every repercussion that would follow from that point on…
I eventually gave up on the idea and let it go, after realizing how absurd I sounded…throwing my life away just to wipe one cretin off this planet? Would be such a waste of my own life.
Driving a knife through someone isn’t suitable advice to give under any circumstance though…so I don’t have any.
Anything else anyone says about bullies is purely subjective to whichever bully….if they vent by being an asshole to you, or enjoy putting you down constantly, then they may continue to do so, no matter how you react.
If it bothers you enough for you to change it, you will, even if you fuck up and get suspended for something…
Depressedkc, bullies pick on other people because of their own insecurities. They use bullying to cover up their short commings. It’s the only way they (bullies) can feel better about themselves.
As for the cutting to get to sleep, take it from one who did the same thing. It provides temporary relief, but it doesn’t solve the problem. I’ve managed to stop for a few months. I still fight the urge to cut . For me the cutting was about inflicting pain not bleeding, so my wounds weren’t pretty & they stood out.
Cutting is an emotional relief because it releases endorphins in the brain similar to cocaine or so I’ve been told. That is why cutting becomes an addiction.
I think you need to take yourself more seriously. You matter. You are worthy of being treated as well as any other human being. And you have the right to tell other people how you feel, and to protest if they are hurting you.
You seem to be afraid of shedding that image as the ‘normal’ girl, and of speaking up.
But I think it would do you a world of good.
You need to look after yourself and communicate clearly, openly and honestly with your surroundings.
Hugs