Sitting there blank-faced, forcing a smile has to be the painful scene that I act-out, every-day. Why do we need to smile… is it a law of nature ? People just do not understand that a smile indicates a positive in a persons life; but constant-sometimes it has no-reason- pain cannot produce a smile, naturally.
Forcing myself into this smile, is as pathetic as insisting that “I’m fine” when I’ve clearly drank almost two bottles of wine — the latter is painfully funny, but the former is just painful. I can do laughing — laughing is part of a momentary reaction to a funny act, event, notion, thought or an uttered phrase or word; but smiling can only be achieved with a collection of memorable moments — living in your blood stream, and ready to rush to aid the mouth that calls for a smile.
Laughing skips the warm smile by producing a moment of hysterical, chaotic muscle movements — it hides the smile in it’s crunched up eyes, opened mouth and pronounced wrinkles. The Laugh is a heretic… it’s a delusion- machine. But, I can’t even laugh anymore — when I do, I feel like I have betrayed my pain; I abandon my pain when I laugh; but, my pain smiles back at me as if to say — “you’ll be back.”