Hold

isnt it scary how one person can have such a hold over you??

i wanted to sleep tonight but my mind wouldnt rest, so i went through all my text conversations from months ago.

ive long since deleted our text histories, along with your number. i wish i hadnt, i miss the cute things we said to each other when one of us was down

i honestly dont know where things stand with us. i dont know whether you hate me, or if you just think youre giving me space until im better. either way, youre not here and youre really the only person i want to talk to.

going through all of the texts made me realize how i fucked things up between us, over and over again.

i feel like alfred at the end of the dark knight rises

“I have failed you.”

i pushed you when you wanted me to pull you.

i pulled you closer when you needed space.

i blamed you when i should have thanked you.

so thank you, thank you for trying to protect me, thank you for wrapping me up in your arms when i thought the world would collapse.

thank you for looking at me and saying, “I don’t think I can help you anymore, I’m not good for you.”

oh and im sorry for throwing the glass when you said that, that was uncalled for

i realize now that you did care about me

i remembered the time when i tried to sneak back into the flat after being away for a couple of days and you heard me, came running and wrapped me up in your arms

i remembered after the first time i tried to leave, you didnt shout at me, you didnt curse me out, you just asked for a hug and refused to let me go

you were the best friend i could ever ask for and i am grateful everyday for the time i spent with you

i hope you find someone to make you the happiest man in the world, because you deserve it chicken

join me in the bar when its your time, we can have a drink and a catch up

dont take too long though