I don’t know

Im just confused with the emotions i feel. Feeling a mix of sadness, guilt and anger. For once in my life i am utterly clueless as to which path i should take. I can’t stop thinking of her and the people around me aren’t helping. I hate it. When people i know pretend to have been so close to a person who died just so they feel better and can get sympathy from others. Well the truth is that you never really gave a damn about her life. I can’t go back to the place i was last with her. I tried it once and i almost puked because my emotions went haywire. Everytime i have a mental breakdown i try to hide it just so people don’t know what i go through, because everyone has their own shit to deal with and i’ve just gotta learn to cope with mine. i don’t know.