So, I’m 40. I’m fairly successful, have a girlfriend and a house in a very beautiful part of the US. But I can’t stop crying, if I see a war movie or watch some SVU show I lose it (tho I’ve never experienced either). I think every day about how things would just be easier if I wasn’t here.
I’ve been to doctors, but I largely medicate myself with xanax and tequila.
What the f**k should I do? I want to stop thinking about dying; yet I think about it every day.
I feel like a whiney bastard, but I don’t know how to fix myself.
What would you do?
5 comments
I’d try to find a balance between what’s best for me and my family, even if i still considered suicide an option. I’d try to talk to a friend about how i feel. I’d keep writing on this site. I’d maybe lay off the medicated mix a little, but not too much because it helps the pain.
You’re not a whiny bastard. You don’t have to fix yourself alone.
What do you mean things would be easier if you weren’t here?
I’m sure your girlfriend, and other people in your life, love you and need you.
Do you mean easier for you?
Doctors couldn’t find a way to help you?
Do you also mean therapists? Since you mentioned you get emotional over war movies and such, it might be psychological?
You’re not whiny, you’re just struggling at the moment.
What i would do (if i were you) is what i tried to do above, try and figure things and see what might be causing it and what might solve it.
There has to be something, either physical or psychological.
I’d leave this site as soon as possible. Most people here will just support you in your decision to end your life while they tell you all about how they have been planning their suicide for the last 18 years. Have you had your hormone levels checked. I’ve had severe depression all my life and recently discovered that I have 2 brain tumors that have been stopping my body from producing Human Growth hormone and testosterone all my life. Low testosterone in men is one of the main physiological causes of depression.
If your partner isn’t cheating on you or your not about to lose your house and job or there isn’t some other extreme event in your life that would justify being depressed then I’d be looking at a physiological cause.
I like your screen name. How do you help yourself? Maybe it begins with understanding yourself. Maybe you are borderline personality disorder? How could you help that, if that was you? Build up some strong psychological walls. Also, maybe your personality requires its own unique daily maintenance program that you have to figure out. For some, it’s writing, for others, it’s alone time… And don’t feel bad, we all have our own things. The diabetic has to take their insulin and so forth. We all just have our own things.
There is a comment in the pending section for this post. I’d honestly consider all avenues here. Having been through so much I can offer various perspectives here. Like the comment that is pending right now, i forget the author, I would investigate physiological factors that could be causing this behavior. I would also ask yourself if you are truly happy. It may seem obvious what the answer will be but it’s good to reflect on that regardless. Then really ask why. I think you may know the reason why deep down. You could be experiencing what some would call a spiritual shift. However I dont totally subscribe to that anymore.
Man, it could be so many things yknow. Maybe it’s an identity issue? Either way, somebody told me somethin beautiful yesterday. She said don’t judge your emotions for being right or wrong. They just are. You wouldn’t judge yourself feelign hunger as right or wrong. Same goes for emotion. Maybe you just gotta let this stuff out for a while. Who knows? Could be relational, could be anything. I don’t know if why is as important as how to remedy or at least continue to release this emotion.