Two years, a recent attempt. A short trip. I get released just as easily. A mistake in calling, not knowing the trip would happen, or that it would be mandatory. They make me feel like shit, but at this point much anyone and anything does that. A rock could do that. Im too sensitive and not in a good way, I remain bitter. I try to operate from a place of rightous anger. At this moment, I’m surrounded by people I am aware do not like me. I was supposed to accept it, but when you feel… like that sort of weird, unapprochable person for a long time you become this digusting, rat like bitter person. Soon I’ll be out, but at this point it almost doesn’t matter. I’m on autopilot these days, I watch myself and autimatically fuck up and blame myself, but I’m used to that too. I’m miserable, I’m pitiful, pathetic, I shouldn’t expect anything, I’ll try again, or maybe not
I’m just tired of myself. Am I allowed to be? Can I divorce myself yet? How do you stop feeling tired, I’m burnt out
4 comments
When you can, surround yourself with people who value you, or adopt a pet who does. No one can flourish in an enviornment where they are not valued.
That’s true, but right now, well for the next little while it’s not optional. Right now, it’s a matter of holding on a bit I guess
I’m sorry you feel so bad. Feelings like that anger and bitterness (which I understand well) can make things so much more exhausting. I’d try to work on them, which is similar to what I’m trying to do at the moment. Bitterness, anger, stress, anxiety… they’re all tiring and drag you down further into depression, isolation and exhaustion.
Thank you. Yeah, I can’t even really put all the blame on people when there’s all this bitterness you know. I swear it’s true when you hear about ugly things that grow. How do you work on it?