You ever get the feeling that you are just so hopeless?
I am always fighting with myself and how I feel. Sometimes I can be sitting with my family and friends and just think about how much I want to take a razor blade and let my wrists bleed. I think about how much of a failure I have been to so many people. I hate that I am so overweight because my father verbally abused me and made me feel terrible about how I looked. I hate that because of him, I constantly eat when I am bored or when I think about depressing things.
Most days I wake up and hate myself. Others, I wake up and think just for a second that it didn’t happen. That I had a normal loving family who cared about my feelings. That I didn’t eat myself half to death. That I can actually get a boyfriend who will treat me right and not care about my looks, but instead love me for who I am.
And then I realize, ‘Oh wait, this is reality.’ I am fat. I am ugly. My father doesn’t give a shit about me. And I have virtually no friends.
If that’s not a reason to end your life, then what is?
4 comments
well I kind of know where your coming from. I eat like that too and everyday I get fatter and further from help and it’s depressing. By the time I want to kill myself, I’m tired so I go to sleep and start the cycle all over again.
basically you’re not alone and all that cheesy jazz..you can talk to me if you want.
what’s your name?
steph
you?
sam.. everyone thinks it’s a guy name but it’s better than being samantha: the disappointment to all.
so where do u live steph? is steph short for stephanie or stephen? i’ll call u steph, but i just want to know if ur a boy or girl.